Sunday, November 30, 2003
Stereophonics's Maybe Tomorrow
I've been down and I'm wondering why These little black clouds Keep walking around With me With me It wastes time And I'd rather be high Think I'll walk me outside And buy a rainbow smile But be free They're all free So maybe tomorrow I'll find my way home So maybe tomorrow I'll find my way home I look around at a beautiful life Been the upperside of down Been the inside of out But we breathe We breathe I wanna breeze and an open mind I wanna swim in the ocean Wanna take my time for me All me
So maybe tomorrow I'll find my way home So maybe tomorrow I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow I'll find my way home So maybe tomorrow I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow I'll find my way home So maybe tomorrow I'll find my way home
I'm all geared up for a brand new day, a brand new month & a brand new tomorrow. A brand new ME!
marlena
I've been down and I'm wondering why These little black clouds Keep walking around With me With me It wastes time And I'd rather be high Think I'll walk me outside And buy a rainbow smile But be free They're all free So maybe tomorrow I'll find my way home So maybe tomorrow I'll find my way home I look around at a beautiful life Been the upperside of down Been the inside of out But we breathe We breathe I wanna breeze and an open mind I wanna swim in the ocean Wanna take my time for me All me
So maybe tomorrow I'll find my way home So maybe tomorrow I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow I'll find my way home So maybe tomorrow I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow I'll find my way home So maybe tomorrow I'll find my way home
I'm all geared up for a brand new day, a brand new month & a brand new tomorrow. A brand new ME!
marlena
i wanna watch Love Actually. i wanna watch Love Actually. i wanna watch Love Actually. i wanna watch Love Actually. i wanna watch Love Actually.
It's nice to watch it with your significant other. i heard it's a nice, warm and romantic story. since i don't have a boyfriend (which is such a waste), i've decided to watch it with my loved ones. My Friends! well, i'm gonna ask Peizhen, Kenny, Shahrul, Kevin, Daphne, Stacey, Zakk, Michelle, Asra, Lee Jen and anybody else who are interested in watching the show with me! hehehee...so if your names are listed, please make yourself available. hahaha. NO ESCAPE! i would really appreciate if you guys could just spare abit of your busy time to watch this show with this poor lonely girl. hahaha...spread some love around lah.
i wanna watch Love Actually. i wanna watch Love Actually. i wanna watch Love Actually.
song: maybe tomorrow (cool song!)
marlena
It's nice to watch it with your significant other. i heard it's a nice, warm and romantic story. since i don't have a boyfriend (which is such a waste), i've decided to watch it with my loved ones. My Friends! well, i'm gonna ask Peizhen, Kenny, Shahrul, Kevin, Daphne, Stacey, Zakk, Michelle, Asra, Lee Jen and anybody else who are interested in watching the show with me! hehehee...so if your names are listed, please make yourself available. hahaha. NO ESCAPE! i would really appreciate if you guys could just spare abit of your busy time to watch this show with this poor lonely girl. hahaha...spread some love around lah.
i wanna watch Love Actually. i wanna watch Love Actually. i wanna watch Love Actually.
song: maybe tomorrow (cool song!)
marlena
I'm surrounded by people who are together for all the wrong reasons...mostly because they're insecure. A friend from school told me about a guy that is in an off-and-on relationship because his friend is just too afraid to be alone. He wants to be with someone, anyone, that he would rather suffer in an unfulfilling relationship.
C'mon, is it really that bad being alone? Sure, it gets hard around the holidays and when your couple-friends do things without you (or perhaps worse, doing things with you. Hello third/fifth wheel), but never so bad that you should lower your standards. Do you really need that reassurance? that mirror of security? Besides, it's terribly selfish if you're with someone you didn't think was right for you because you're depriving that person of finding someone perfect.
As much as I would like someone to spoon me at night, I just couldn't imagine myself spending time with a person that didn't absolutely fascinate and thrill me.
marlena
C'mon, is it really that bad being alone? Sure, it gets hard around the holidays and when your couple-friends do things without you (or perhaps worse, doing things with you. Hello third/fifth wheel), but never so bad that you should lower your standards. Do you really need that reassurance? that mirror of security? Besides, it's terribly selfish if you're with someone you didn't think was right for you because you're depriving that person of finding someone perfect.
As much as I would like someone to spoon me at night, I just couldn't imagine myself spending time with a person that didn't absolutely fascinate and thrill me.
marlena
been feeling super migraine-ish the entire day since i woke up at aorund ten-thirty. yesh, i woke too late today, sleeping too much, and one of the few trigger factors i have for my migraine is sleep. that sounds so pathetic, doesn't it, but its so true. my system is not able to handle the excess amount of endorphines that is released when one is asleep. im like destined to lead a workaholic stressed life. but anyhow, with the flu almost gone, work will again begin in ernest for the The Booksellers starting from tomorrow. and i'll make my usual spying trips at borders, write out my buying list, and faxed it out. and also to maintain the daily inventory that curtails when i get the books on hand. miE is making good progress on the webstore, and it seems he's working on the internal blog function now. yesh, as long as you're registered user with us, you'll be able to use the blog like its your own. so simply blog away, say whatever you want, flame the owners if you think they are asses or you could sing praises of us instead. oh yah *smack my own head* you can only blog away once the webstore site is up, now it is still under progress.
tori amos sings live "sugar"
if i was an aquatic plant, i'd choose to be a duckweed....darKness
tori amos sings live "sugar"
if i was an aquatic plant, i'd choose to be a duckweed....darKness
haha! i'm back! it's holiday time! sooo happy! erm..nothing much happened today...or should i say yesterday since it's two plus in the morning right now. slept the whole saturday away..almost. lee jen's sms woke me up and that was at around 7plus in the evening! hahahaha....i'm such a pig! well at least i really had plenty of rest after that stupid thursday night where i was kept awake with the rest of my close friends because of a particular attention-seeker or female bolster whatever some ppl called her. can't she wait for tomorrow??!! i haven't had enough sleep for the last few days due to my essays. in the end, i didn't had any sleep at all that night and REALLY had a hard time staying awake at work. i even doze off while waiting for edmund ho to reply to my page. can you believe that??! i was damn sleepy!
oh! this really sounds weird but i felt abit lost cuz usually i have essays to do on weekends. since it's the holidays, i have nothing to do so i've decided to jot down my thoughts instead. here's the first one of my boring stuff...it sucks but it's not meant to impress anyone anyway. so read on...
Lying here in my room
Staring at the ceiling
The weather is so gloom
What is this that I'm feeling
Thinking of all those times
The good times we've shared
Do you think of them too
Or you just don't care
We promise to remain friends
Cause that's what we are before
But then you went to do things
Plain stupid things that hurt me
Why did you do the things you do
Is it to make me hate you
Why did you do the things you do
Is it to make me forget you
I pushed my feelings aside
Pucker up and be a friend
But it just hurts inside
My heart is broken at your expense
so there you have it.....hahahaha...wanted to write more but dunno what else to write....erna liked the second part...hehehe
marlena
btw darkness, erna is addicted to one of the songs that you've downloaded to the laptop. the jolin tsai one...sho ai ni. wah lau!
oh! this really sounds weird but i felt abit lost cuz usually i have essays to do on weekends. since it's the holidays, i have nothing to do so i've decided to jot down my thoughts instead. here's the first one of my boring stuff...it sucks but it's not meant to impress anyone anyway. so read on...
Lying here in my room
Staring at the ceiling
The weather is so gloom
What is this that I'm feeling
Thinking of all those times
The good times we've shared
Do you think of them too
Or you just don't care
We promise to remain friends
Cause that's what we are before
But then you went to do things
Plain stupid things that hurt me
Why did you do the things you do
Is it to make me hate you
Why did you do the things you do
Is it to make me forget you
I pushed my feelings aside
Pucker up and be a friend
But it just hurts inside
My heart is broken at your expense
so there you have it.....hahahaha...wanted to write more but dunno what else to write....erna liked the second part...hehehe
marlena
btw darkness, erna is addicted to one of the songs that you've downloaded to the laptop. the jolin tsai one...sho ai ni. wah lau!
Saturday, November 29, 2003
the weather has been fantastic today, with rain beginning since the late afternoon. and since then, its been really cold, cooling to be exact. and of course, with such weather, one can only be lead into lingering thoughts of christmas. i can still remember those times when my family was intact, mom used to decor-up the entire house with christmas thingys. and there'd definitely be a christmas tree. yesh, still can remember those times when we were young, and looking at the lighted-up christmas tree, in the darkness of the living room. life seemed so assured then. and tonight, when i look out from my 17th floor room, i could see at the adjacent block from mine, there's a family whom had placed a christmas tree at their balcony. its all prettily lighted-up in yellow warm lights that doesn't blink, which makes it look & feel even warmer in this cold weather. and i can only thank God for such a night & sight.
tori amos sings live "cooling"
faster than i can breathe....darKness
tori amos sings live "cooling"
faster than i can breathe....darKness
Friday, November 28, 2003
What a bunch of freakin' IMMATURE, LOUD-MOUTHED bastards and bitches! Stay away from me and DON'T YOU DARE TEST MY LIMITS!!! You f****** idiots!!!
marlena
P.S. Sorry for the use of language here. Just trying to get it out of my system.
marlena
P.S. Sorry for the use of language here. Just trying to get it out of my system.
my favourite things (in random order if you believe)
1 - rainy days, come hail or drizzle, i love them equally.
2 - the smell of oncoming rain.
3 - steamed milk from starfarks.
4 - b/w photography, even when it burns a hole in my pocket.
5 - saying thankyous to taxi drivers / hawkers / retail assistants
6 - my bed, my pillow & my blanket (especially when its newly-washed).
7 - dogs, of all kind (and i know how to make them smile).
8 - the sky in the morning when its all bright & sunny.
9 - my painkillers.
10 - all these 10,000 books.
11 - my red t-shirt & berms.
12 - my fingernails (as long as there're enough for me to chew on)
13 - reading in my bed before sleep overtakes me.
14 - this 17th floor room.
15 - knowing that i can chow down 10 Jacobs cracker biscuits in 26 seconds flat.
16 - looking at those nice fluffly puffy clouds.
17 - daydreaming when time affords me.
18 - my red crumpler bag (for it has served me well)
19 - oranges, chinese pears, watermelons, & starfruits
korn is cursing "let's get this party started"
johnny panic and the bible of dreams....darKness
1 - rainy days, come hail or drizzle, i love them equally.
2 - the smell of oncoming rain.
3 - steamed milk from starfarks.
4 - b/w photography, even when it burns a hole in my pocket.
5 - saying thankyous to taxi drivers / hawkers / retail assistants
6 - my bed, my pillow & my blanket (especially when its newly-washed).
7 - dogs, of all kind (and i know how to make them smile).
8 - the sky in the morning when its all bright & sunny.
9 - my painkillers.
10 - all these 10,000 books.
11 - my red t-shirt & berms.
12 - my fingernails (as long as there're enough for me to chew on)
13 - reading in my bed before sleep overtakes me.
14 - this 17th floor room.
15 - knowing that i can chow down 10 Jacobs cracker biscuits in 26 seconds flat.
16 - looking at those nice fluffly puffy clouds.
17 - daydreaming when time affords me.
18 - my red crumpler bag (for it has served me well)
19 - oranges, chinese pears, watermelons, & starfruits
korn is cursing "let's get this party started"
johnny panic and the bible of dreams....darKness
Thursday, November 27, 2003
::::ariel::::
stasis in darkness
then the substanceless blue
pour of tor and distances
God's lioness,
how one we grow,
pivot of heels and knees! - the furrow
splits and passes, sister to
the brown arc
of the neck i cannot catch,
nigger-eye
berries cast dark
Hooks -
black sweet blood mouthfuls,
shadows
something else
hauls me through air -
thighs, hair;
flakes from my heels.
White
Godiva, i unpeel -
dead hands, dead stringencies.
and now i
foam to wheat, a glitter of seas.
the child's cry
melts in the wall
and i
Am the arrow,
the dew that flies
suicidal, at one with the drive
into the red
Eye, the cauldron of morning.
::::sylvia plath::::
darKness
stasis in darkness
then the substanceless blue
pour of tor and distances
God's lioness,
how one we grow,
pivot of heels and knees! - the furrow
splits and passes, sister to
the brown arc
of the neck i cannot catch,
nigger-eye
berries cast dark
Hooks -
black sweet blood mouthfuls,
shadows
something else
hauls me through air -
thighs, hair;
flakes from my heels.
White
Godiva, i unpeel -
dead hands, dead stringencies.
and now i
foam to wheat, a glitter of seas.
the child's cry
melts in the wall
and i
Am the arrow,
the dew that flies
suicidal, at one with the drive
into the red
Eye, the cauldron of morning.
::::sylvia plath::::
darKness
huhhhh, somehow i dont feel so good. bloody bloody flu. is it trying to tell me that i really need to see a doctor???? and i think the batteries in my remote are going to explode in my hands or face soon. just realised the batteries were overheating itself again, nearly burnt my fingers when i tried removing it. and out of nowhere, i also realised that we came into this world defenseless, so God gave us nice tall strong trees, so that we can chop them down and make them into baseballs bats.
pearl jam sings live "given to fly"
the fever is semi-frying my brains again....darKness
pearl jam sings live "given to fly"
the fever is semi-frying my brains again....darKness
it's 3pm now. i have another 3 hours or so to finish the last essay...hiaz....will blog more later. in the meantime, be good, people! stop and enjoy the pretty things in life!
song at the moment: beautiful ones by suede
marlena
song at the moment: beautiful ones by suede
marlena
alright, call me chicken or whatever but i decided to stay home today, and not risk having this nasty flu mutating into pnuemonia. the weather is like really cold, and i dont i can survive being out there even when im wearing double t-shirts. i dont have a sweater so im still waiting for kind donors *i hear Christmas bells* and i dont mind the addidas-looking ones. anewae just finished another book yesterday before i slept. it was sue townsend's "adrian mole: the wilderness years". yesh, im finally getting around to reading adrain mole, at an age that is past the teenage phase. it was an easy read, and slightly poignant, with adrian mole describing his life of between 24 -25years-old, in the early 1990s. i guess if he was living in our age & time, he might have discarded his diary and opted for an online blog instead. and after finishing the book, i found something nice, which sue townsend had inserted at the beginning pages of the book. its a phrase from shakespeare's "the winter's tale" "what's gone and what's past help should be past grief."
oh yah, if by some miracle of fate, if i managed to be able to buy christmas gifts for everyone, i'll be buying all of you, a copy of tim burton's "the melancholy death of oyster boy and other stories". but of cos, that if miraculously money start falling onto my lap. alternatively, i could be a scrooge, and yell "humbug" at everyone of you.
natalie merchant sings live "seven years"
but luke im your father, so wont you come to the dark side with me....darKness
oh yah, if by some miracle of fate, if i managed to be able to buy christmas gifts for everyone, i'll be buying all of you, a copy of tim burton's "the melancholy death of oyster boy and other stories". but of cos, that if miraculously money start falling onto my lap. alternatively, i could be a scrooge, and yell "humbug" at everyone of you.
natalie merchant sings live "seven years"
but luke im your father, so wont you come to the dark side with me....darKness
Wednesday, November 26, 2003
Yesh, it's true!
marlena
|
marlena
i did the test....and boy they r so accurate.....
YELLOW
You are very perceptive and smart. You are clear and to the point and have a great sense of humor. You are always learning and searching for understanding.
Find out your color at Quiz
its time ladies and gentlemen....
saya no longer known as NEO since he has passed on...did he?!
anyway...
my new nick is THE PUNISHER
yeah baby...
had taken this colour test from deafknee's blog. and it helps the while the time away.
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Tuesday, November 25, 2003
i believe i might just have slightly overdose myself on painkillers. i took like 4, all at one shot. and now, i can feel the world slowly spinning in front of my eyes. and i had tried to walk a straight line towards the kitchen, by using the straight lines of the floor tiles as guidance but i kept on veering off. and i seriously dont think i should stand near to the window at all. i have no wish to fly from the 17th floor....
k.d. lang sings "love affair"
again, to say that i no longer have feelings for you, that'd be a lie....darKness
k.d. lang sings "love affair"
again, to say that i no longer have feelings for you, that'd be a lie....darKness
since the flu is not going to let me off that easily, i have decided to re-schedule all deliveries till as when i get better. so the one of the few things left to do is to read like mad, slack like there's no tomorrow, and simply soak in the cold weather, and try not to let the runny/blocked nose affect me too much. but i'll still vow to fulfill the dinner appointment that i had fixed with both muqian & beverly. been a while since i had last got together with both these secondary-sch matees. and before the dinner appt, im meeting karen lim to discuss about some biz idea & basically just to catch up too. so no matter how sick i am, i'll strive to fulfill both appointments. and today is a very nice day indeed, so i'll pray for my friends out there - working or resting - that their day will be a blessed one. and selamat hari raya to my fellow malay compadres. and also allow me the luxury of sharing this poem by w.h. auden, which was brought to my attention by an ex, whom i'll agree the poem is almost great too.
::::the more loving one::::
looking up at the stars, i know quite well
that, for all they care, i can go to hell,
but on earth indifference is the least
we have to dread from man or beast.
how should we like it were stars to burn
with a passion for us we could not return?
if equal affection cannot be,
let the more loving one be me.
admirer as i think i am
of stars that do not give a damn,
i cannot, now i see them, say
i missed one terribly all day.
were stars to disappear or die,
i should learn to look at an empty sky
and feel its total dark sublime,
though this might take me a little time
::::w.h. auden::::
lene marlin sings "another day"
and so let the more loving one be me....darKness
::::the more loving one::::
looking up at the stars, i know quite well
that, for all they care, i can go to hell,
but on earth indifference is the least
we have to dread from man or beast.
how should we like it were stars to burn
with a passion for us we could not return?
if equal affection cannot be,
let the more loving one be me.
admirer as i think i am
of stars that do not give a damn,
i cannot, now i see them, say
i missed one terribly all day.
were stars to disappear or die,
i should learn to look at an empty sky
and feel its total dark sublime,
though this might take me a little time
::::w.h. auden::::
lene marlin sings "another day"
and so let the more loving one be me....darKness
Monday, November 24, 2003
the flu is like finally totally taking over my body. runny nose, fever, chills, aching bones, and the general feeling that you get when one is sick. so thus, im contemplating whether should i make any book deliveries today or should i just push them back. am very happy for marlena that she's finally reaching the end of the assignments hell. and its definitely good timing, since i desperately need help to get the The Booksellers webstore up & running. and i can see a shakedown coming pretty soon.
linkin park screams "numb"
i promise myself that i will have my own cosa nostra....darKness
linkin park screams "numb"
i promise myself that i will have my own cosa nostra....darKness
Yeahhh!!! Just finished my second last essay! No thanks to a particular someone who actually said that if I have any problem regarding my essays, I can come to him. Hmph! Anyway, right now, i'll just need to write another 2000 words for a journalism paper before it's party time!!! I'll be free starting on the 28th of this month till the whole month of December! That is if there is no extra tutorial or anything....praying hard that there will be none. So if there's any party going on, please do invite me. I really need a break and enjoy myself to the fullest before i have to hit the books again in january. oh ya, darkness, don't worry. i didn't forget about the agreement we had to get some IT stuff done on the webstore. If i can work and school at the same time, i don't see why i can't handle fun and enjoyment and serious business at the same time too. okay, i should stop. i'm babbling nonsense now....hahahaha...im just feeling relieved right now lah.
Well, i need to clear all the books and notes on my bed and pack the necessary stuff in my backpack now. And darn, i bought a rim of printing paper but i've forgotten to get a new box of printer ink. Silly me. So i guess I have to save my essay and print it at work then...hmmm...finally see the advantage of having your own pc and printer at work...hahahaha..
song at the moment: stand by jewel
marlena
Well, i need to clear all the books and notes on my bed and pack the necessary stuff in my backpack now. And darn, i bought a rim of printing paper but i've forgotten to get a new box of printer ink. Silly me. So i guess I have to save my essay and print it at work then...hmmm...finally see the advantage of having your own pc and printer at work...hahahaha..
song at the moment: stand by jewel
marlena
Sunday, November 23, 2003
okae, this is NOT a whining session. and i promise i'll be as subtle as i can. and marlena can ignore all these bullshit that im bringing up now. although im not working, it doesn't mean that im not CHOKED full with work too. i wake up at eight every single day, including the weekends, though thats not very early, and try to get work done on The Booksellers. fyi, keying-in & scanning-in number of titles of books is NOT exactly an entirely relaxing kinda of work. and going in & out of my house at least 2times a day, to fulfill the inventory & buying function is NOT exactly easy also. in fact, i feel as though im working at Borders seven days a week, when i need to go down to check out the ISBNs there. and dont tell me to use the phone to check becos i simply need to look at the book first before i decide to buy it. fyi again, out of the whole month of August, i went to Borders every single day, missing only 1day. and for the month of September, i only missed 2days. so who do you think has more work now. fyi again again, im fulfilling the inventory & buying & finance & planning & dreaming in an almost solo role. yesh, i know you all have a fulltime job but it pays you all a salary. on my side, i worry about $$$$ becos i dont get paid a salary & have NOT been working for 6months already. and it really puzzles me to NO END, why does it most of the time, i have more $$$$ than you all???? is it becos i survive eating grass or air???? i dont think so. i just need you all to adopt a more pro-active role in the biz. dont wait for me to call you to update you. PLEASE TAKE THE INITIATIVE TO CALL ME TO ASK FOR UPDATES, and in your spare time, use it to think of plans for the both the online & physical store. PLEASE BLOG REGULARLY. PLEASE SAVE the $$$$ THAT I'LL NEED VERY SOON. PLEASE BE MORE ACTIVE, HIBERNATION SEASON is officially OVER. and i cant do all this alone. marlena has far more things to cope with than any of us, but if she can still carve time out to either help or support me, then lets get cracking okae????
kenny
kenny
first of all, a big thanks to miE for helping us to get the pixs loaded up, finally, we can parade our shameless faces from now on. yesterday was somehow a very tiring & seemingly long day, and we did meet up with miE as planned to discuss about the workings for the online site. after discussion, we foresee that we might be able to do a soft launch right before Christmas, and in that case, the official launch - fully functional - will be right before chinese new year. i dont want to have high hopes regarding the launch dates, becos priority is the site has to be functioning superbly before we launch it. marlena & i also realised that there are seriously 10,000 things to do before & after the site is running. there are also another 10,000 details that needs to be sorted out. there are simply quite alot of things & stuff that needs to be settled. thats it, hopefully, in another few weeks' time, the online site will be up and we will be inviting a few friends to test it out as part of the soft launch. right now, its time to get back to work, and try to ignore that flu symptoms that i seem to be having. yesh, for once, i seem to be falling sick, lets pray its a mild one. and again, thanks to both miE & malena.
lene marlin sings "another day"
to say that the feelings are gone, that would be a lie....darKness
lene marlin sings "another day"
to say that the feelings are gone, that would be a lie....darKness
Colour changes
Fades away
different place
a different day
i smile at you
you turn away
I cannot win
you shouldn't stay
marlena
Fades away
different place
a different day
i smile at you
you turn away
I cannot win
you shouldn't stay
marlena
What is this world, what is this we have created.
In the burdens of this life we cannot rest.
This world means nothing,everything we hold will pass away.
With a void of completion comfort will ever fade,
I will forever long for this wind to cease.
We once held undying devotion.
Now dead to our thoughts, undefined like the word," love "
Team Sleep : cambodia
But my mom asked miE to go back home tonight : miE !
In the burdens of this life we cannot rest.
This world means nothing,everything we hold will pass away.
With a void of completion comfort will ever fade,
I will forever long for this wind to cease.
We once held undying devotion.
Now dead to our thoughts, undefined like the word," love "
Team Sleep : cambodia
But my mom asked miE to go back home tonight : miE !
Friday, November 21, 2003
went out with peizhen and stace after work today. chit-chatted at starbucks till eight-thirty and guess what?! it was the christmas light-up in orchard road and soap suds came out from some of the santa figures to symbolise snow. all three of us and alot of other people were so excited that we decided to hold our pee just to be part of the celebration. hehehehe...there's alot of ppl with cameras and videocams on orchard road tonight. then, as we were walking towards somerset, we stopped in front of orchard mrt to catch of the buskers' performance. the performer named jack is soooo cute! and he's canadian and is only nineteen years old.....hmmm...young blood. hahahaha....decided that stace can have him since he's the same age as her...hahahahaha. felt a mixture of sadness and excitement at the same time cuz each of us were not with our 'significant' other at that time to experience the beginning of x'mas celebration. but at the same time, all three of us felt glad that we have each other...girl power!
reached home and searched for my old favourite baju kurung. described the colour and design of it to my dear sis and she immediately knew what i was talking about! i was so delighted when i saw her bring the baju kurung in our room to show me..she found it! yah! smsed shahrul to tell him the colour of my baju kurung - ivory with maroon-coloured patterns. he replied that he will be wearing his beige one as that is the closest colour that he has. yippee....so excited. first time wear baju kurung to work and got a friend to match the colour some more! Yippee, yippee, yeahhh!!!
song: bump bump bump....b2k with p.diddy.
marlena
p.s stace just smsed asking me to have sakae sushi next tuesday. she is so blur and crazy.....it's hari raya next tuesday man.
reached home and searched for my old favourite baju kurung. described the colour and design of it to my dear sis and she immediately knew what i was talking about! i was so delighted when i saw her bring the baju kurung in our room to show me..she found it! yah! smsed shahrul to tell him the colour of my baju kurung - ivory with maroon-coloured patterns. he replied that he will be wearing his beige one as that is the closest colour that he has. yippee....so excited. first time wear baju kurung to work and got a friend to match the colour some more! Yippee, yippee, yeahhh!!!
song: bump bump bump....b2k with p.diddy.
marlena
p.s stace just smsed asking me to have sakae sushi next tuesday. she is so blur and crazy.....it's hari raya next tuesday man.
this is my 4th entry of the day, and it goes to shows how much time i have been while-ing away. but thinking back, other than bloggin', ive been catching up on me reading, which i had been slacking abit for like two-weeks. and somehow, i have made it sound as though im reading for some looming exams. hell no, im just reading for reading. and so with so much reading done, i can safely say that my time was well-spent. on the other hand, i had cancelled 2-appointments becos im needed to be around dad today. so now, ive to reschedule both appointments which makes it abit tricky. and i seem to be owing my friends, quite abit of dinner appointments. lets see, there is peizhen, supposed to dine with her to compensate her birthday. then there is huixian becos had promised her but somehow cant find the time. then there is kay yee, who will be flying back to brussels soon enough. then i had fixed another dinner with both muqian & beverly on next wednesday, and this time round, im aiming to keep the appointment. oh yah, i nearly forget that im supposed to meet gracie for lunch or dinner. and finally, there is keng pei whom i had suggested dinner, to catch up abit on each other's lives. and wait, there is one more final dinner, while typing this now - as in real time - stace just sms-ed me on the mobile to see if im up for dinner at sakae next tuesday evening.... i seriously think im going to go terribly broke after so many dinners.
lene marlin sings "faces"
the lone ranger and green hornet fist-fight in heaven....darKness
lene marlin sings "faces"
the lone ranger and green hornet fist-fight in heaven....darKness
had to stay at home the entire day today - not exactly a bad thing, since the weather was like airconditioned great - becos dad came back early from work at the church, not feeling very well. guess he's just tired after going back to the church immediately to work after that prostate-gland-problem he had earlier. he's resting well as far as i can see, and as usual, vigilant monitoring is the best i could do at the moment. have already started wrapping the books myself already, though i'll be arranging for "helpers" to come over next week onwards, so that this mammoth wrapping task will be completed in the shortest time possible. will also be meeting miE tomorrow afternoon with marlena, in order to pass all the information to him. the info includes the booklist, the synopsis, and the pixs. and after tomorrow, we should be able to get a clearer picture of when the site will be up. would like to say a BIG THANKS to miE & marlena for being so patient with me. i'll also be buying another 6 bookshelves by the end of this month. and that will give me another holding capacity of roughly 720 books. and from my planning, after fitting in the 6 shelves into my room, i can at least fit another 4 more, but that would mean that i'd have very little space to move around. but what the heck, the biz shall take priority. and after the biz is up & running, and if the earnings justifies it, i seriously think we should rent an office space, so that i can reclaim the sanctity of my own space.
michelle branch sings "breathe" on the mtv channel
my mom taught me that becos i was smaller, so i must fight harder than anyone else....darKness
michelle branch sings "breathe" on the mtv channel
my mom taught me that becos i was smaller, so i must fight harder than anyone else....darKness
just got back from geylang serai about an hour ago! it was good....and hot of course! we were sweating like hell but it's worth it cuz it's not everyday that we get this kind of atmosphere in geylang serai. and it's like a 'once-a-year' visit for me as i only went there just for the sake of hari raya. had great fun and laughter with maya, denna, haider and shahrul! shawal was supposed to meet us there but we didn't meet cuz the place was damn packed with people and we can't seem to find him or margaret anywhere! whilst on the way there, met elfie and aisyah on the train so we ended up going together. had cempedak fritters, some nice fish snacks (i can't remember the name of the delicacy) and indian rojak for dinner....yum!yum! haider and shahrul insisted that i wear baju kurung on hari raya but i told them i had never worn one to work on hari raya for the last two years! but upon knowing that peizhen is going to wear one this year, i begin to have second thoughts. i told them that i MIGHT put on one if i could find my favourite baju kurung....i think it's somewhere in mum's wardrobe. i haven't bought any new ones for the past 2 years. shahrul pestered me to tell him the colour of the baju kurung asap so that he could match his with mine...hahahaha...that would be cool! so i guess i will start asking mum about that favourite baju kurung of mine tomorrow! or else.....it will just be the plain black-coloured borders uniform again!!
song: phantom planet's always on my mind
marlena
**darn...feel very exhausted right now. can't work on my essay.....dunno whether i should just hand it in tomorrow as it's not completed...but then again, tomorrow is the due date......hmmm...how...how...**
two minutes later.......
***aiyah....big sigh. decided not hand it in and will think of an excuse to extend it for one more day....hope marni allows it. she's abit off lately. maybe it's because of the considerable amount of last minute essays that she has to grade before submitting them to the examination board. really pray that she don't mind....***
song: phantom planet's always on my mind
marlena
**darn...feel very exhausted right now. can't work on my essay.....dunno whether i should just hand it in tomorrow as it's not completed...but then again, tomorrow is the due date......hmmm...how...how...**
two minutes later.......
***aiyah....big sigh. decided not hand it in and will think of an excuse to extend it for one more day....hope marni allows it. she's abit off lately. maybe it's because of the considerable amount of last minute essays that she has to grade before submitting them to the examination board. really pray that she don't mind....***
Thursday, November 20, 2003
jensen ackles who plays the character Alec in Dark Angel is soooo key-yute! Yum-mie! he used to act in days of our lives and i didn't even realised that was him! but no worries jensen, i'm sitting up straight and paying attention to you now! LOL......
marlena
p.s i guess this is what happened when scott speedman is not in the hot seat rite now. i want my felicity backkkkk......sob.sob.
marlena
p.s i guess this is what happened when scott speedman is not in the hot seat rite now. i want my felicity backkkkk......sob.sob.
Wednesday, November 19, 2003
was going through the songs on the laptop and came across this song by michelle branch that was downloaded by darkness. honestly, i had never heard this song and i think it's too bubblegum pop for an artiste like michelle branch. nonetheless, it's a good tune...
It's been a long, long time since I looked into the mirror. I guess that I was blind. Now my reflection's getting clearer. Now that you're gone, things will never be the same again. There's not a minute that goes by every hour of every day. You're such a part of me. But I just pulled away. Well, I'm not the same girl you used to know. I wish I said the words I never showed. I know you had to go away. I died just a little, and I feel it now. You're the one I need. I believe that I would cry just a little. Just to have you back now. Here with me. Here with me. You know that silence is loud when all you hear is your heart. And I wanted so badly just to be a part of something strong and true. But I was scared and left it all behind. I know you had to go away.
I died just a little, and I feel it now. You're the one I need. I believe that I would cry just a little. Just to have you back now. Here with me. Here with me. And I'm asking. And I'm wanting you to come back to me. Please?
I never will forget that look upon your face. How you turned away and left. Without a trace. But I understand that you did what you had to do. And I thank you.
marlena
It's been a long, long time since I looked into the mirror. I guess that I was blind. Now my reflection's getting clearer. Now that you're gone, things will never be the same again. There's not a minute that goes by every hour of every day. You're such a part of me. But I just pulled away. Well, I'm not the same girl you used to know. I wish I said the words I never showed. I know you had to go away. I died just a little, and I feel it now. You're the one I need. I believe that I would cry just a little. Just to have you back now. Here with me. Here with me. You know that silence is loud when all you hear is your heart. And I wanted so badly just to be a part of something strong and true. But I was scared and left it all behind. I know you had to go away.
I died just a little, and I feel it now. You're the one I need. I believe that I would cry just a little. Just to have you back now. Here with me. Here with me. And I'm asking. And I'm wanting you to come back to me. Please?
I never will forget that look upon your face. How you turned away and left. Without a trace. But I understand that you did what you had to do. And I thank you.
marlena
when you hear or learn about something sad, whether does it directly affects you or not, as long as you breathe, im pretty sure you'd feel sad too. that has to be the basic nature of how we function. at the very least, that is what we are made of. like of this sad story that i had heard before. :::: there was once this kid that had like a girl while they were still back in secondary school. but as usual, being at that age & at that time, not counting the situation that they were handling on their own, they got together but yet separated after a very short while. so you can say that was maybe teenage infatuation at its very best. but who would know that somehow, the kid still had hidden feelings for her, even when he had not seen her for close to eightyears already. its reasonable to say that the kid would sometimes think or be reminded of her when he gets together with his old friends from school. he'd hear some passing comments about her ongoings, and never further pursue any of it. to the kid, she was like unreachable, not within his grasp. and in that eightyears, alot of things had taken place, and he had more or less changed too. but intermittently, he'd wonder why has he never passed her on the streets, after all, how big can this island be? and upon wondering, he'd just as easily let it go, and carry on with whatever he was doing. still, he can almost remember every single moment that he had spent with her during the two-short-weeks that they were together. both were sixteen then, and those days just never seem to end. its like nothing would be so bad that you'd feel so wrecked. he remembers holding her hands once, and they had spent alot of afternoons, staying back in school just to talk. and their favourite spot was the area behind the chemistry labs. that place was just like their personal space. she loves origami, and had even made him a handful of paper stars, with the words "i love you" running all over it. but soon she left school after secondary4, having not did so well, while the kid continued his sec5 studies. and now, all those are just committed memories. so there came this day, when the kid was no longer sixteen, and still missing her after so many years, decided to pick up the phone and ring her number. yes, he still remembers her number. he knew it'd be kinda of strange but this time round, he just can't let it go. so he buzzed the line, a lady's voice answered, and it didn't sounded like her. so he asked for her, and the lady identified that she was her mother. there was a short silence, not awkward, just pure silence, and then the mother said that the girl had just passed away slightly a year ago. she had succumbed to a prolonged illness, and regrets that not much people were informed because of the girl's unwillingness. the kid knowing that there was nothing he could do, so he put down the phone, and maybe to let everything sink in for awhile. he wasn't sure whether it was regrets or sadness. he just stood at his favourite spot at the windowside, and maybe for once, learnt how to cry for that few times in his life::::
lene marlin sings "another day"
reality bites too....darKness
lene marlin sings "another day"
reality bites too....darKness
another day goes by will never know just wonder why, you made me feel good made me smile. the sun is shining brightly again, and im pretty sure that it'd rain too later in the afternoon. in so many hectic days, ive decided to chill-out for awhile at least until 12pm, listen to some music, and blog endlessly as usual. dad's prostate-gland-surgery is on the cards though we do not know exactly when. and mom has also relented abit, seems like my lies are working their usual magic again. i realised that all of us or at least the close friends around me have been having a rough time themselves too, so pray i may, that God will watch over them too, as He has on me. and thank Him for pulling me out of the hole, by using the strangest of methods so far, using a cd, or should i say "music". my conviction & strength still lays deep inside of me, and the fight has always been on. and yeah, stace can't stand the lines reflected on my palms. she ain't the first one, my grandma hated me becos of how my lines looked to her, how semi-charmed my life could be for me, and not for her other grandchildren....
lene marlin sings "another day"
so what if i do have a semi-charmed life....darKness
lene marlin sings "another day"
so what if i do have a semi-charmed life....darKness
cannot make it...die man. really dead meat...SIGH.
**i really need a vacation right now.........**
song: high and dry by R.E.M
marlena
**i really need a vacation right now.........**
song: high and dry by R.E.M
marlena
Tuesday, November 18, 2003
lene marlin's "faces"
pour me some wine join me tonight, surround me with your happy faces, share some fun stories, stay up all night, surround me with your friendly faces, then look at me when i'm not aware, then you'll see i cannot do without you, i'll be right there if you ask me to, if you're feeling sad, i'll stay with you, and if you're scared i'll hold your hand, like i know you'd do for me too, pour me some wine, join me tonight, life is so good when i'm with you, i needed the laughs i needed you tonight, life is so good when i'm with you, so look at me when i'm not aware, then you'll see i cannot do without you....
darKness
pour me some wine join me tonight, surround me with your happy faces, share some fun stories, stay up all night, surround me with your friendly faces, then look at me when i'm not aware, then you'll see i cannot do without you, i'll be right there if you ask me to, if you're feeling sad, i'll stay with you, and if you're scared i'll hold your hand, like i know you'd do for me too, pour me some wine, join me tonight, life is so good when i'm with you, i needed the laughs i needed you tonight, life is so good when i'm with you, so look at me when i'm not aware, then you'll see i cannot do without you....
darKness
Monday, November 17, 2003
lene marlin's "another day"
lie to me say that you need me that's what i wanna hear, that is what makes me happy, hoping you'll be near, all this time how could i know within these walls i can feel you, another day goes by will never know just wonder why, you made me feel good made me smile, i see it now and i can say it's gone that would be a lie, cannot control this this thing called love you must think how can this be you dont really know me, i can't tell this ain't the time, you'll never be mine, what can i say something about my life i just lost again, another day goes by will never know just wonder why you made me feel good made me smile i see it now and i can say it's gone that would be a lie cannot control this this thing called love, always have to move on to leave it all behind go along with time....
kenny
lie to me say that you need me that's what i wanna hear, that is what makes me happy, hoping you'll be near, all this time how could i know within these walls i can feel you, another day goes by will never know just wonder why, you made me feel good made me smile, i see it now and i can say it's gone that would be a lie, cannot control this this thing called love you must think how can this be you dont really know me, i can't tell this ain't the time, you'll never be mine, what can i say something about my life i just lost again, another day goes by will never know just wonder why you made me feel good made me smile i see it now and i can say it's gone that would be a lie cannot control this this thing called love, always have to move on to leave it all behind go along with time....
kenny
now its time to get on straight to fight again. dad is being very obstinate again, insisting that i bring him to the urology centre at SGH tomorrow, to see whether the docs are willing to remove the catheter & urinal bag. he's still bleeding though not as bad as the day before, regardless, that is still a cause for worry since we had to stop his heart meds. im having a rather uneasy time fending mom off from dad. she keeps saying she wants to visit him though there are ulterior motives involved. this is sure-as-hell living proof that no matter how loving a couple was previously for nearly twentyyears, they can still turn into bitter vengeful enemies. im almost lost for words regarding this issue and shall take it as it comes. a less revealing update for the TheBooksellers is things are surely progressing along. shall reveal more when things get more concrete.
lene marline sings "another day"
the source of my revelation, the source of my darkness....darKness
lene marline sings "another day"
the source of my revelation, the source of my darkness....darKness
ermmmm, now is my post to give thanks too all the people around that have been there for me throughout the last eight-years. and anyone would qualify on my list as long as you had not crossed me too much, and i did not put on my "to-be-buried" waiting list. and lastly, im sure we had enjoyed kevin's "thank-you" list too.
in an almost random order: erny, gracie teo, rachel chua, beverly ho, muqian, kevin kow, zakk, farokh, peizhen, stace tham, daphne tan, venetia tan, cheryl, peishan, leticia, koh duen har, karyn lim xiaoping, brandon neo, ah-swee, nick lin, gerald heng, eejin, vincent sum, kay yee, bee geok, liza, jamie yeo, francis, elaine lim tingting, hakim, sue-ann, catherine tay, gladys koh, huijun, urica sin, janna, edleweiss goh, razi, hirman, isaac teo, huixian ang, annabelle cheong, asra, edmund ho, ridhwan, michelle chua, jo pang, keng pei, serena zhang, stara, nicole, lee jen, mira, nina, taufik, rudy, johan, daphne sis, karen toh, jeremy yip, wenlong, wenzhong, raymond phua, pastor quek, the entire Zion BP church, the entire bookie team, ah-long, haven chua, andrew tan, and surely dad, mom, auntie doreen, kor, and certainly *damnation if i forget* God. i might have missed out some people here & there, so pardon me if it was the case.
a-ha sings "stay on these roads"
dont worry, i wont show you my nightmares....darKness
in an almost random order: erny, gracie teo, rachel chua, beverly ho, muqian, kevin kow, zakk, farokh, peizhen, stace tham, daphne tan, venetia tan, cheryl, peishan, leticia, koh duen har, karyn lim xiaoping, brandon neo, ah-swee, nick lin, gerald heng, eejin, vincent sum, kay yee, bee geok, liza, jamie yeo, francis, elaine lim tingting, hakim, sue-ann, catherine tay, gladys koh, huijun, urica sin, janna, edleweiss goh, razi, hirman, isaac teo, huixian ang, annabelle cheong, asra, edmund ho, ridhwan, michelle chua, jo pang, keng pei, serena zhang, stara, nicole, lee jen, mira, nina, taufik, rudy, johan, daphne sis, karen toh, jeremy yip, wenlong, wenzhong, raymond phua, pastor quek, the entire Zion BP church, the entire bookie team, ah-long, haven chua, andrew tan, and surely dad, mom, auntie doreen, kor, and certainly *damnation if i forget* God. i might have missed out some people here & there, so pardon me if it was the case.
a-ha sings "stay on these roads"
dont worry, i wont show you my nightmares....darKness
Sunday, November 16, 2003
this is tiring, very tiring but since the fight is on, i have to get on straight to fight. just found that dad's biopsy's wound is still bleeding into his urine bag. and becos of that, we need to stop his heart medication, which traps me into this catch-22 situation. lets just say that his heart meds are equally important. if my words could crack into two, this is a very appropriate timing for it.
lene marlin sings "another day"
im not going down without a fight....darKness
lene marlin sings "another day"
im not going down without a fight....darKness
yeah..i got to do the same also,...thanx esp to borders staff...had a great time
thanks to kevin kevin kevin kevin kevin kevin kevin kevin kevin kevin kevin kevin kevin kevin kevin kevin kevin kevin kevin kevin.
alamak how come all kevin...he is so impt....: )
neo
thanks to kevin kevin kevin kevin kevin kevin kevin kevin kevin kevin kevin kevin kevin kevin kevin kevin kevin kevin kevin kevin.
alamak how come all kevin...he is so impt....: )
neo
Saturday, November 15, 2003
feeling low right now. anything could happen in this life and humans are so fragile...u may be there for a minute and the next, you may be gone. i don't care whether we are close, i just want to say a huge thank you for letting me know you. without you, my life will be filled with loneliness. thanks for everything....and i mean everything whether good or bad. really. it's a great honour knowing you guys and whether you believe it or not, you did make an impact in my life...in every little ways.
thanks to kenny, kevin, farokh, audrey, peizhen, daphne, stacey, fahmy, matt, asra, lee jen, isaac, shahrul, sharil, nisha, michelle c, leticia, faizal, aimye, aisyah, amir, ct, ifa, suhaini, denna, derek, desmond, lester, melissa, marisa, edmund ho, effendy, eleanor, effendi, shadiq, zul, faisal, feisal, lily, hairin, haider, maya, sherrifa, hirman, huishan, jobina, jo, elaine, rachel c, ismail, ridhwan, misnah, ivan, jati, jose, valex, roy, juanna, jewel, justin, kahar, kailing, karen lim, karen toh, kenneth, kuna, leonard, marina, marni, sakinah, merianne, mira, nicole, nina, patrick, johann, rafee, rudy, ruhaizah, salimie, stara, swee seng, tay, anthony, wilson......and the list goes on. you know who you are and i love you.
thanks.
erny marlina
thanks to kenny, kevin, farokh, audrey, peizhen, daphne, stacey, fahmy, matt, asra, lee jen, isaac, shahrul, sharil, nisha, michelle c, leticia, faizal, aimye, aisyah, amir, ct, ifa, suhaini, denna, derek, desmond, lester, melissa, marisa, edmund ho, effendy, eleanor, effendi, shadiq, zul, faisal, feisal, lily, hairin, haider, maya, sherrifa, hirman, huishan, jobina, jo, elaine, rachel c, ismail, ridhwan, misnah, ivan, jati, jose, valex, roy, juanna, jewel, justin, kahar, kailing, karen lim, karen toh, kenneth, kuna, leonard, marina, marni, sakinah, merianne, mira, nicole, nina, patrick, johann, rafee, rudy, ruhaizah, salimie, stara, swee seng, tay, anthony, wilson......and the list goes on. you know who you are and i love you.
thanks.
erny marlina
i wanted to post this a while back but i guess i didn't get round to it. marisa's friend passed away on the 2nd of this month. there was some car crash and she went to help them. but she got crashed instead. it was a case of a hit-and-run and it was over the news in south florida. she's only 20. you should read all the comments that her friends left on her profile on myspace. jess has always has a crush on her and did asked her out for a couple of times but she declined. and when she finally did and he kissed her at the movies, he thought he was the happiest person alive. didn't expect her to leave so soon. he must be really hurting inside. i can imagine his pain......hang in there, jess.
although i don't know you, i know that you are missed dearly by marisa and the rest of your friends. rest in peace Tiffany Schier.
marlena
although i don't know you, i know that you are missed dearly by marisa and the rest of your friends. rest in peace Tiffany Schier.
marlena
Oh noooooooo!!! All-Blacks are defeated!!! Nooooooo!!! I can't believe this! I can't believe that my favourite All-Blacks are defeated by their neighbouring country, the Wallabies in the World Rugby semi-finals! Nooooo!!! this can't be happening..but i really have to say that the Wallabies's defence is impenetrable.
Final score: NZL 10 and Aust 22.
Darn! now i can't see my cutie-pie All-Blacks no.10 player, Carlos Spencer anymore! Sob! Sob!
Gonna console myself by watching The Simpsons now. Maybe the silly antics of Homer can do me good.
marlena
Final score: NZL 10 and Aust 22.
Darn! now i can't see my cutie-pie All-Blacks no.10 player, Carlos Spencer anymore! Sob! Sob!
Gonna console myself by watching The Simpsons now. Maybe the silly antics of Homer can do me good.
marlena
and i found this fantastic confession quote...
"One of my 'friends' is a real attention slut and uses guys like a playlist uses mp3s."
I'm using that line this week.
have a good saturday guys! cheerios.
marlena
song: phantom planet singing so i fall again.
"One of my 'friends' is a real attention slut and uses guys like a playlist uses mp3s."
I'm using that line this week.
have a good saturday guys! cheerios.
marlena
song: phantom planet singing so i fall again.
suppose I were to rap. I think it would be something like this!!!
<--- 3 exclamation marks. that shows how serious i am.
marlena
<--- 3 exclamation marks. that shows how serious i am.
marlena
ahh..its the 15th..sigh..hiaz...what a waste..if only...sigh.
checked my wisdom tooth and it is still swollen.
marlena
song: always on my mind by phantom planet (80s tune meet 90s band..nice!)
checked my wisdom tooth and it is still swollen.
marlena
song: always on my mind by phantom planet (80s tune meet 90s band..nice!)
Friday, November 14, 2003
i'm gonna be a busy bee till the end of this month. have three more essays to be completed and come this 28th, i'll be a free bird! and on the 28th, me and my classmates had planned to go clubbing to celebrate our freedom for the whole month of december! i also heard that peizhen and stace wants to go clubbing after the 25th cuz pay will be in by then..hmmm...and karen lim has also mentioned that she gonna have potluck. wow...busy, busy. and matt just called to invite me to his birthday bash at his home. his parents will be away on holiday soon and he will have the whole house to himself. i told him that i'm not gonna clean up the house and the lawn for him after the whole celebration...can you imagine the rubbish everywhere?? oh noooooo......no way!
marlena
marlena
he talked to me today. at first, he greeted me in the morning and in the later part of the day, he asked me to accompany him out to buy coffee. i was reluctant but he paged for me again and this time, i agreed. so we went out for about 10-15 mins and talked about the weather, work, school....and the list goes on but we didn't touch on the 'incident'. i didn't pursue the topic either. shahrul commented that some guys are like that.
anyway, lester was fiddling around with one of the photos that we took in class using photoshop and he found out something creepy about the photo. there seems to be 'someone's head' behind one of my classmates. some of us said it is just a reflection of our lecturer cuz it appeared on the window...and our lecturer was the one who snapped the pix. but few of us disagreed because if it is just the reflection of my lecturer on the window, then where's the camera that she was supposed to be holding?? hmmmmm......the plot thickens......
song: time is running out - muse
marlena
anyway, lester was fiddling around with one of the photos that we took in class using photoshop and he found out something creepy about the photo. there seems to be 'someone's head' behind one of my classmates. some of us said it is just a reflection of our lecturer cuz it appeared on the window...and our lecturer was the one who snapped the pix. but few of us disagreed because if it is just the reflection of my lecturer on the window, then where's the camera that she was supposed to be holding?? hmmmmm......the plot thickens......
song: time is running out - muse
marlena
stuck with my documentary essay right now. it's due tomorrow..or should i say today since it's already the 14th. i'm dead. period.
i'm just short of 250 words but i really could not think. my lecturer told me that it's an easy paper to score on and most of the students got distinctions for it. well, i'll be damn if i get a credit for this... this sucks. really. i could imagine a pass grade and it just doesn't look good. but then again, i don't know what to do to do well in this paper..aarrgghh.
marlena
i'm just short of 250 words but i really could not think. my lecturer told me that it's an easy paper to score on and most of the students got distinctions for it. well, i'll be damn if i get a credit for this... this sucks. really. i could imagine a pass grade and it just doesn't look good. but then again, i don't know what to do to do well in this paper..aarrgghh.
marlena
Thursday, November 13, 2003
really hope kenny's dad will make it through the surgery if he has to go through it. i'm just worried about his heart condition though..whatever it is, i'm here, darkness. you know what to do.
darkness sent me the whole booklist and i still can't get over the fact that we have around 900 fiction titles now...oh my gawd...oh man. wah lau! hahaha...
today, work was alright...hmmm..abit of awkwardness around a certain person but other than that, things went well. but it's abit funny too because both he and i were being diplomatic and stuff towards each other. well, i guess it's for the better. anyway, daph had a pretty rough morning and i hope she's doing ok now. it didn't cross my mind that daph and i will be this close. she's a great girl and we have lotsa laughs and fun together.. she's my partner in silly crimes! hehehe.
i am surprised at myself on how i'm handling my emotions right now. i'm actually doing pretty well...in fact, i would dare to say i'm handling it very well! there's no relapse or anything...wahhh. yeah i do miss the conversations, the perfect day at suntec, the basking in the sun and stuff but they are things of the past right now. ..just memories..sweet memories now. and i like to remember them as they were..just nice, just perfect. i don't want any of this saga or anything else to spoil that sweet memories. i want them to be left untouched..
although we are not really close friends right now, i'm glad that we didn't part as enemies.
**sheryl crow's singing "all i wanna do" on my realOne player**
marlena
darkness sent me the whole booklist and i still can't get over the fact that we have around 900 fiction titles now...oh my gawd...oh man. wah lau! hahaha...
today, work was alright...hmmm..abit of awkwardness around a certain person but other than that, things went well. but it's abit funny too because both he and i were being diplomatic and stuff towards each other. well, i guess it's for the better. anyway, daph had a pretty rough morning and i hope she's doing ok now. it didn't cross my mind that daph and i will be this close. she's a great girl and we have lotsa laughs and fun together.. she's my partner in silly crimes! hehehe.
i am surprised at myself on how i'm handling my emotions right now. i'm actually doing pretty well...in fact, i would dare to say i'm handling it very well! there's no relapse or anything...wahhh. yeah i do miss the conversations, the perfect day at suntec, the basking in the sun and stuff but they are things of the past right now. ..just memories..sweet memories now. and i like to remember them as they were..just nice, just perfect. i don't want any of this saga or anything else to spoil that sweet memories. i want them to be left untouched..
although we are not really close friends right now, i'm glad that we didn't part as enemies.
**sheryl crow's singing "all i wanna do" on my realOne player**
marlena
really like dido's white flag..just can't get the tune out of my head..and OH! the symphony in the beginning is COOL!
I know you think that I shouldn't still love you
I'll tell you that
But if I didn't say it
Well, I'd still have felt it
Where's the sense in that?
I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were
Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
I know I left too much mess
And destruction to come back again
And I caused but nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of 'It's over'
Then I'm sure that makes sense
Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
And when we meet
As I'm sure we will
All that was then
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on
Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
**i like dido and always will be...hehehe....hmmm..should i go to bed now..maybe after i listen to the song once more.... hehehe.. :-)**
marlena
I know you think that I shouldn't still love you
I'll tell you that
But if I didn't say it
Well, I'd still have felt it
Where's the sense in that?
I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were
Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
I know I left too much mess
And destruction to come back again
And I caused but nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of 'It's over'
Then I'm sure that makes sense
Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
And when we meet
As I'm sure we will
All that was then
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on
Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
**i like dido and always will be...hehehe....hmmm..should i go to bed now..maybe after i listen to the song once more.... hehehe.. :-)**
marlena
ALRIGHT PEOPLE! hahaha...did post something but something screwed up somewhere and it's all gone! anyway, basically, i had a good day and just wanna say that i feel much better now. i had the whole room to myself as stace is still on leave and daph is off today..did a whole lot of thinking too...and singing...and even abit of dancing in the room! hahaha. ok seriously, right now, i don't care who's in the right or who's in the wrong anymore. i just want to talk to him. want to know what's going on in that head of his and will take it from there, i guess. BUT, it seems he doesn't want to talk about it right now...it's alright. as for "J", she doesn't want to make eye contact with me at work today. Shahrul thinks that she should at least apologise to me. sigh, it doesn't matter..but i'm willing to talk and get things in the open if she wants to. honestly, i wasn't angry...not even a slightest bit. but i don't think the same goes for some of you out there..i know a couple of you are pissed about it...real pissed right?? but guys, remember...don't get involved.. i will be real upset if you guys did interfere. i was more like confused and stunned about the whole incident. i was like "what the heck did i just saw??!! HUH??". and of course, besides feeling appalled, i felt a sharp pain penetrating my heart...yeah..sigh...shit happens. by right, he's no longer mine and he has the right to do whatever he wants but by left, we know that there's unfinished business between us. sometimes, i hate myself for being so patient and calm about this. i wish i could just go out there and confront them but i just couldn't do it. just couldn't...dunno why. it's just not me, i guess. and yesh daph, don't ask me why i'm still calm about it..i dunno.... i believe that there's an explanation for everything so it's better not to act rashly. ANYWAY, i'm thinking clearer now and come on people...lighten up. i told ya that i will be alright before you know it! hehehe...
i really hope this thing will clear up soon so that i could concentrate more on my school assignments. i have an essay due this friday and another one next week! but i just couldn't think at all! i'm bogged down by all this! SIGH.
but one good thing did come out of this whole saga. i really really know who i can count on from now onwards.
*listening to r.e.m's imitation of life*
marlena
i really hope this thing will clear up soon so that i could concentrate more on my school assignments. i have an essay due this friday and another one next week! but i just couldn't think at all! i'm bogged down by all this! SIGH.
but one good thing did come out of this whole saga. i really really know who i can count on from now onwards.
*listening to r.e.m's imitation of life*
marlena
Tuesday, November 11, 2003
I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm, he came around like he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry
Well you couldn't be that man I adored
You don't seem to know, don't seem to care what your heart is for
I don't know him anymore
There's nothing where he used to lie
My conversation has run dry
That's whats going on, nothing's fine I'm torn
I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel
I'm cold and I am ashamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
You're a little late, I'm already torn..
So I guess the fortune teller's right
Should have seen just what was there and not some holy light
To crawl beneath my veins and now
I don't care, I have no luck, I don't miss it all that much
There's just so many things that I can't touch, I'm torn
I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel
I'm cold and I am ashamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
You're a little late, I'm already torn.. Torn.
natalie imbruglia's torn.
marlena
He was warm, he came around like he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry
Well you couldn't be that man I adored
You don't seem to know, don't seem to care what your heart is for
I don't know him anymore
There's nothing where he used to lie
My conversation has run dry
That's whats going on, nothing's fine I'm torn
I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel
I'm cold and I am ashamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
You're a little late, I'm already torn..
So I guess the fortune teller's right
Should have seen just what was there and not some holy light
To crawl beneath my veins and now
I don't care, I have no luck, I don't miss it all that much
There's just so many things that I can't touch, I'm torn
I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel
I'm cold and I am ashamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
You're a little late, I'm already torn.. Torn.
natalie imbruglia's torn.
marlena
the incident was supposed to be meant as a joke but i don't see any humour in it. furthermore, if it is just a sick joke, why did i get snap at??!! i don't deserve this..i just don't fucking deserve this kind of treatment. i was concerned for him but what did i get in the end??...sarcasm and disgruntled remarks!!...some people just don't know how to appreciate their close ones.
i've made up my mind and i hope i WILL stick to that decision. God, please be with me during this difficult period of my life.
also, a BIG thanks to my great friends for their advice and support. You guys know who you are...thanks for listening to this stupid problem of mine throughout the day..You guys may not have done much but your mere presence and advices are good enough for me. thanks guys.
song: white flag by dido
marlena
i've made up my mind and i hope i WILL stick to that decision. God, please be with me during this difficult period of my life.
also, a BIG thanks to my great friends for their advice and support. You guys know who you are...thanks for listening to this stupid problem of mine throughout the day..You guys may not have done much but your mere presence and advices are good enough for me. thanks guys.
song: white flag by dido
marlena
Monday, November 10, 2003
grandpa has not been home since yesterday afternoon. all of us are abit worried now..and i'm awake extra early for no particular reason again. oh man, i really hope grandpa will be home soon. if not, i could imagine the panicky calls that i will receive from mum while i'm at work later..
where could he be???? where did he sleep???? is he alright?? should i call the hospitals??
marlena
where could he be???? where did he sleep???? is he alright?? should i call the hospitals??
marlena
Sunday, November 09, 2003
i think i'm addicted to the rugby world cup which channel 5 telecasts live..the new zealanders and the french kick ass, man....and this is sad but i think i'm addicted to work too..can't stop thinking of the unfinished work and kept waking up extra early even on weekends, thinking i'm late for work.....omigod..this is bad..really bad..
okay gotta go..fm called.
song: swing swing swing (all-american rejects)
marlena
okay gotta go..fm called.
song: swing swing swing (all-american rejects)
marlena
i've decided to write something on each of my friends if i've nothing else to write. so here's the first one..
Ode to Faizal..
We could hardly find the time to really sit down and chit-chat like we used to but it doesn't matter because all the things and problems that we went through together were enough to keep our friendship going. We have known each other for like 10 years, right? Wahh..couldn't believe that we are still in contact with each other while CT, Suhaini and Ifa just fade away from our lives..sigh. I still remember the day vividly where me, CT and Suhaini went to your dad's funeral. I was a little hurt that you didn't tell me that your dad is suffering from cancer back then. But one thing for sure, you were very strong and tried to hold your family together. I'm very proud to have you as my friend and will always will.. I also remember the days when we would always hanged out at my house to watch videos or sing karaoke! haahaha..and you and CT just couldn't get enough of my mum's sambal belacan! Mum still remember you guys and she even said she miss you. Please do drop by this Hari Raya, k?
Remember back then, when we were around 15 or 16 years old...i think we had feelings for each other, right? hahahaha..but we didn't dare to confess to each other! I think deep down inside, i'm sure you agree with me on this one..that our friendship is just too important. But I'm glad that we did confess 6 years later! (which is this year right??) hahaha..i'm glad that both of us didn't take the other path or else, i would not think that we will still have this kind of friendship to this very day.
I just want to say that i miss you to bits and i know that it's difficult to meet nowadays due to our busy schedule. I'm really sorry i couldn't attend your graduation ceremony but i will try to spend time with you before you get enlisted! Oh ya, that brings us to another topic. Yesh, i still do not mind looking after the bukit panjang house for you when you get enlisted to NS. I will treat it as my own house...hehehehe..i will sure do. And I will keep a lookout for that tenant of yours. I'll make sure that I'll be a tyrant so that he would be afraid of me! muahahahaha...
last but not least, i just wanna say i'm really honoured to know you. you are a sweet, approachable, caring, friendly person...stay that way!
P.S. Please send my regards to your mum and Farah. Miss them too! And oh ya! I saw your ex, Shida at Borders! I ran away before she could even see me!! hahaha..
song - white flag (dido)
marlena
Ode to Faizal..
We could hardly find the time to really sit down and chit-chat like we used to but it doesn't matter because all the things and problems that we went through together were enough to keep our friendship going. We have known each other for like 10 years, right? Wahh..couldn't believe that we are still in contact with each other while CT, Suhaini and Ifa just fade away from our lives..sigh. I still remember the day vividly where me, CT and Suhaini went to your dad's funeral. I was a little hurt that you didn't tell me that your dad is suffering from cancer back then. But one thing for sure, you were very strong and tried to hold your family together. I'm very proud to have you as my friend and will always will.. I also remember the days when we would always hanged out at my house to watch videos or sing karaoke! haahaha..and you and CT just couldn't get enough of my mum's sambal belacan! Mum still remember you guys and she even said she miss you. Please do drop by this Hari Raya, k?
Remember back then, when we were around 15 or 16 years old...i think we had feelings for each other, right? hahahaha..but we didn't dare to confess to each other! I think deep down inside, i'm sure you agree with me on this one..that our friendship is just too important. But I'm glad that we did confess 6 years later! (which is this year right??) hahaha..i'm glad that both of us didn't take the other path or else, i would not think that we will still have this kind of friendship to this very day.
I just want to say that i miss you to bits and i know that it's difficult to meet nowadays due to our busy schedule. I'm really sorry i couldn't attend your graduation ceremony but i will try to spend time with you before you get enlisted! Oh ya, that brings us to another topic. Yesh, i still do not mind looking after the bukit panjang house for you when you get enlisted to NS. I will treat it as my own house...hehehehe..i will sure do. And I will keep a lookout for that tenant of yours. I'll make sure that I'll be a tyrant so that he would be afraid of me! muahahahaha...
last but not least, i just wanna say i'm really honoured to know you. you are a sweet, approachable, caring, friendly person...stay that way!
P.S. Please send my regards to your mum and Farah. Miss them too! And oh ya! I saw your ex, Shida at Borders! I ran away before she could even see me!! hahaha..
song - white flag (dido)
marlena
sigh...still waiting for my parents to come back with breakfast! i'm sooo hungry...so is erna! we have asked them to buy nasi lemak. this nasi lemak is gooood! it has a big serving..something like those you get from the indian muslim shop in orchard towers when you ask your food to be wrapped in the "paper" form. yesh..it's that much and this nasi lemak has a chicken wing, fried fish, good sambal, lotsa peanuts and ikan bilis and my fav, CUCUMBERS! yummmm-mie!
now i'm really starving..i want food! i want food! i want food!
P.S. To my fellow muslims, pardon me. I completely forget my manners! **slapping myself right now**
marlena
now i'm really starving..i want food! i want food! i want food!
P.S. To my fellow muslims, pardon me. I completely forget my manners! **slapping myself right now**
marlena
it's kinda funny when someone called you and after the "hello" or "hi" or whatever, there was a very short silence. this is what i think..if you want to find out where i am at that moment with all those background noises, just ask. let me save you all the trouble of trying to listen hard and figuring it out by yourself. i'm not pissed, i just know what's on your mind..
anyway, had more than 12 hours sleep! waahhhh! did not take my dinner last night..just went straight to bed. the thing is i was not tired at all..i was just lying on my bed and poof! i'm in dreamland within minutes! but i woke up at around 6 in the morning and i don't know why..then, i checked my handphone for missed calls...it's lester..hahaha..and few sms-es from melissa and the usual gang. then, i smsed someone telling him to get a good rest knowing that he must've been out till the wee hours..after that, did the lying in bed thingy again..and poof! there i go again...snoozing away. hahahaha..
now i'm wide awake for more than half an hour and i wonder why the heck did i wake up so early on a Sunday..this is just not me. my body's alarm clock is kinda screwed up the last two weeks..must buy new batteries...hahahaha.
listening to the scientist by coldplay right now......"nobody said it was easy..it's such a shame for us to part..nobody said it was easy..no one ever said it will be this hard.. i'll take you back to the stars.."blah blah blah lah lah lah lah lah.....hahaha
marlena
anyway, had more than 12 hours sleep! waahhhh! did not take my dinner last night..just went straight to bed. the thing is i was not tired at all..i was just lying on my bed and poof! i'm in dreamland within minutes! but i woke up at around 6 in the morning and i don't know why..then, i checked my handphone for missed calls...it's lester..hahaha..and few sms-es from melissa and the usual gang. then, i smsed someone telling him to get a good rest knowing that he must've been out till the wee hours..after that, did the lying in bed thingy again..and poof! there i go again...snoozing away. hahahaha..
now i'm wide awake for more than half an hour and i wonder why the heck did i wake up so early on a Sunday..this is just not me. my body's alarm clock is kinda screwed up the last two weeks..must buy new batteries...hahahaha.
listening to the scientist by coldplay right now......"nobody said it was easy..it's such a shame for us to part..nobody said it was easy..no one ever said it will be this hard.. i'll take you back to the stars.."blah blah blah lah lah lah lah lah.....hahaha
marlena
So confusing, yet so natural. We all experience it, we all go through it. Trying to figure out the meaning of one simple word, 'love, ' but love is more complex than we know. Love is not a game or a fun past time, it is a responsibility, one that should not be taken lightly. Love is meant for those mature in years, for those understanding what they're getting into. Love is a commitment, something you work hard to earn and to keep. When 'true' love comes along, you'll know. No more guessing and questioning whether the 'love' is real or a dream, the games will be of the past. Love is a mystery to us, the more we try to solve it, the more hidden it becomes.. not just in your mind, but in your heart.
marlena
marlena
Saturday, November 08, 2003
ok. i'm tired lah. darkness come back!! need you to manage this blog, my brudder! i don't know what else to write..my life is such a bore..
btw, how's the booklist coming along? done?? december is coming...
song: we are young (supergrass)
marlena
btw, how's the booklist coming along? done?? december is coming...
song: we are young (supergrass)
marlena
oh no..was woken up by mum so early in the morning..she said erna is calling for me in the bathroom..
i was like aarrgghh...what could be so important?? dragged myself out of bed and knocked on the bathroom's door, asking erna what's up..
she told me..without any signs of embarrassment or anything (that's good cuz i want her to be able to tell me things comfortably..)
....she has her first "red traffic light" and she's "leaking"! hahahahaha......cute. taught her how to use the pad and told her that she has to inform me if there is any cramps..
aahh...the first step into womanhood...
starsailor singing poor misguided fool
marlena
p.s aaarrgghhh....now i can't go back to bed...so wide awake..
i was like aarrgghh...what could be so important?? dragged myself out of bed and knocked on the bathroom's door, asking erna what's up..
she told me..without any signs of embarrassment or anything (that's good cuz i want her to be able to tell me things comfortably..)
....she has her first "red traffic light" and she's "leaking"! hahahahaha......cute. taught her how to use the pad and told her that she has to inform me if there is any cramps..
aahh...the first step into womanhood...
starsailor singing poor misguided fool
marlena
p.s aaarrgghhh....now i can't go back to bed...so wide awake..
Friday, November 07, 2003
this is so weird..i called him but he didn't answer. a min or two later, he called. i told him that i called earlier but he said there was no missed calls at all! he said that he's the one who is calling me now.. i'm confused! haha..soo weird! anyway, chit-chatted with him and thanked him for his sweet gesture of surprising me with coffee on my desk earlier at work..i really need one at that time..the stupid bounceback coupons are driving me up the wall!..have to mail to customers and have to print out the letters one by one..wah lau! madness! talked to him abt lester too. lester asked me to go clubbing tonite but i declined. i've lost count on the number of times that i turned him down...fm said that lester guy is quite persistent. hahaha...although it was a short conversation (he's heading to newton to meet his friends), it was great to to be able to laugh and joke around with him once again...felt better knowing everything is okay for now...
had an ultra short class tonite...ended at 8.30pm! joked and talked nonsense with my lecturer and classmates till we call it a nite at 9pm...i think i really beginning to like this journalism class..the lecturer is so nice and down-to-earth and she's so easy to get along. we even talked about our personal lives and whatever nots..hahaha...
i know that my essays are due soon but i still want to go out and enjoy my weekend!! thought of going to east coast with my sis, erna. you should see her expression when i told her about my weekend plan.. it lighted up immediately! hehehe...so exciting..
erna asked me to invite abang kenny, abang farokh, abang kevin and kak audrey too..but i told her that it's quite difficult and that we have to see first...
okay, gotta clean up the house abit now..mum has been sick lately and stepdad seems to be abit stressed out that we are not lending a hand in the chores..so cya! take care and be good!
song: girl from mars by ash
marlena
had an ultra short class tonite...ended at 8.30pm! joked and talked nonsense with my lecturer and classmates till we call it a nite at 9pm...i think i really beginning to like this journalism class..the lecturer is so nice and down-to-earth and she's so easy to get along. we even talked about our personal lives and whatever nots..hahaha...
i know that my essays are due soon but i still want to go out and enjoy my weekend!! thought of going to east coast with my sis, erna. you should see her expression when i told her about my weekend plan.. it lighted up immediately! hehehe...so exciting..
erna asked me to invite abang kenny, abang farokh, abang kevin and kak audrey too..but i told her that it's quite difficult and that we have to see first...
okay, gotta clean up the house abit now..mum has been sick lately and stepdad seems to be abit stressed out that we are not lending a hand in the chores..so cya! take care and be good!
song: girl from mars by ash
marlena
Thursday, November 06, 2003
done. talked to him. well, not exactly talk but i've managed to put my feelings and thoughts across to him...i think...
i don't know why but it's very very hard for me to speak my mind when it comes to the matters of the heart...
sigh...
marlena
i don't know why but it's very very hard for me to speak my mind when it comes to the matters of the heart...
sigh...
marlena
Tuesday, November 04, 2003
Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road. Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go. So make the best of this test, and don't ask why. It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time. It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right. I hope you had the time of your life.
So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind. Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time. Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial. For what it's worth, it was worth all the while. It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
taken from green days's "good riddance (time of your life)"
like this song...good lyrics, nice tune.
marlena
So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind. Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time. Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial. For what it's worth, it was worth all the while. It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
taken from green days's "good riddance (time of your life)"
like this song...good lyrics, nice tune.
marlena
slept peacefully last night. had a couple cough here and there but besides that, had a satisfying rest. woke up rather early at around 8plus and started loitering on cyberspace, not knowing what to do. switched on music real loud..hope i didn't wake mum up..she's home nowadays..erna said she quit her job.
anyway, started thinking about my life amidst the loud music and the renovations that are going on in my neighbourhood. alot of questions popped in my head and i don't have the answers to them. everything is so blurred..and somehow, i felt pressured. i don't know of what or why..i just felt that way. my friends told me that i'm strong after all those problems and pressures that i've manage to overcome. but somehow, i feel like i don't want to give a shit anymore. i hate being known as the responsible one..the reliable one..the in-control of things one...or whatever. i just want to be carefree but i know there's no way i could do that. this is life..welcome to reality. i guess no matter how much you want to be free of responsibilities, you just can't. life is like a package..it comes with alot of things....so i'm stuck...i think we all are.. sigh..
i guess the only thing i could do for myself is to decide what i want for myself. but that is difficult too. what if i made the wrong choices? what if i decided on something and it turns out to be the biggest mistake of my life?? this sucks..i feel weak, indecisive, scared, faithless...
i think i think too much. i think for now, i just take things as they come..that should be easy..i guess. i don't even know what i'm really talking about here. i'm so incoherent.
marlena
song: if you're gone - matchbox 20
p.s. kenny said that he will abstain from blogging for the rest of this week. no explanation was given.
anyway, started thinking about my life amidst the loud music and the renovations that are going on in my neighbourhood. alot of questions popped in my head and i don't have the answers to them. everything is so blurred..and somehow, i felt pressured. i don't know of what or why..i just felt that way. my friends told me that i'm strong after all those problems and pressures that i've manage to overcome. but somehow, i feel like i don't want to give a shit anymore. i hate being known as the responsible one..the reliable one..the in-control of things one...or whatever. i just want to be carefree but i know there's no way i could do that. this is life..welcome to reality. i guess no matter how much you want to be free of responsibilities, you just can't. life is like a package..it comes with alot of things....so i'm stuck...i think we all are.. sigh..
i guess the only thing i could do for myself is to decide what i want for myself. but that is difficult too. what if i made the wrong choices? what if i decided on something and it turns out to be the biggest mistake of my life?? this sucks..i feel weak, indecisive, scared, faithless...
i think i think too much. i think for now, i just take things as they come..that should be easy..i guess. i don't even know what i'm really talking about here. i'm so incoherent.
marlena
song: if you're gone - matchbox 20
p.s. kenny said that he will abstain from blogging for the rest of this week. no explanation was given.
Monday, November 03, 2003
So I'm waiting for this test to end
So these lighter days can soon began
I'll be alone but maybe more carefree
like a kite that floats so effortlessly
I was afraid to be alone
now i'm scared that's how i would like to be
all the faces none the same
how can there be so many personalities
So many lifeless empty hands
so many hearts in great demand
and now my sorrow seems so far away
until I'm taken by these bolts of pain
but I turn them off and tuck them away
till these rainy days that make them stay
and then I'll cry so hard to these sad songs
and the words still ring once here now gone
and they echo through my head everyday
and I don't think they'll ever go away
just like thinking of your childhood home
but we can't go back we're on our own
but I'm about to give this one more shot
and find it in myself
i'll find it in myself
so we're speeding towards that time of year
to the day that marks that you're not here
and I think I'll want to be alone
so please understand when I don't answer the phone
I'll just sit and stare at my deep blue walls
until I can see nothing at all
only particles some fast, some slow
all my eyes could see is all I know
but I'm about to give this one more shot
and find it in myself
I'll find it in myself
marlena
So these lighter days can soon began
I'll be alone but maybe more carefree
like a kite that floats so effortlessly
I was afraid to be alone
now i'm scared that's how i would like to be
all the faces none the same
how can there be so many personalities
So many lifeless empty hands
so many hearts in great demand
and now my sorrow seems so far away
until I'm taken by these bolts of pain
but I turn them off and tuck them away
till these rainy days that make them stay
and then I'll cry so hard to these sad songs
and the words still ring once here now gone
and they echo through my head everyday
and I don't think they'll ever go away
just like thinking of your childhood home
but we can't go back we're on our own
but I'm about to give this one more shot
and find it in myself
i'll find it in myself
so we're speeding towards that time of year
to the day that marks that you're not here
and I think I'll want to be alone
so please understand when I don't answer the phone
I'll just sit and stare at my deep blue walls
until I can see nothing at all
only particles some fast, some slow
all my eyes could see is all I know
but I'm about to give this one more shot
and find it in myself
I'll find it in myself
marlena
went to see a 4th doctor and got an mc today. my voice was bad and i left work at around 2plus with fm just now. i really ponder when this stubborn cough will go away and leave me alone..
and i'll be on leave tomorrow as it is mum's birthday. thought of treating her to dinner with the rest of the family but she is feeling unwell as well so i guess i have to cancel the dinner celebration. i have not talked to her since our small argument over the phone a few days ago..but i think everything is alright because she offered her medicine when i was coughing non-stop early this morning.
i'm thinking of working on my journalism essay later but i'm missing someone right now and i don't think i can concentrate..
darkness, neo and zakk.....matt is seeing someone...i guess... :-)
song: november.....azure ray
marlena
and i'll be on leave tomorrow as it is mum's birthday. thought of treating her to dinner with the rest of the family but she is feeling unwell as well so i guess i have to cancel the dinner celebration. i have not talked to her since our small argument over the phone a few days ago..but i think everything is alright because she offered her medicine when i was coughing non-stop early this morning.
i'm thinking of working on my journalism essay later but i'm missing someone right now and i don't think i can concentrate..
darkness, neo and zakk.....matt is seeing someone...i guess... :-)
song: november.....azure ray
marlena
i think i'm dying very soon....the coughing kept waking me up at 6am and it just wont go away. Kept coughing so very hard that i wonder why i'm not coughing blood yet.. i really really can't take it...i want it to go away... it's more than 2 weeks already. i had went to 3 different doctors and i had finished my medicines 3 freaking times!
marlena
marlena
Sunday, November 02, 2003
been a long long time to do a proper blog..
just watched kill bill today
u know wat i was not prepared to watch a violent bloody movie
i thot it will be like charlie's angel..hhahaahaa...fun and loads of stylo nonsense action sequences
i almost jumped out from my chair when bill fired uma's head at the beginning of the film... then i know wat this film is all about...my bro choked btw..
GOGO gave a new meaning to sleepy lid drooping eyes...she look so penetratable... dun mean to sound vulgar...the word from the film...she liked it rite? hahahaa..the way she die wah lau...the guys including me in the theatres went ' wah man' when she got hit by the plank...... so fast die...so poor thing...evil uma....
SIMPLE PLANning for a PERFECT life...
neo
( bout time to change nick.....its already the revolutions...:)
just watched kill bill today
u know wat i was not prepared to watch a violent bloody movie
i thot it will be like charlie's angel..hhahaahaa...fun and loads of stylo nonsense action sequences
i almost jumped out from my chair when bill fired uma's head at the beginning of the film... then i know wat this film is all about...my bro choked btw..
GOGO gave a new meaning to sleepy lid drooping eyes...she look so penetratable... dun mean to sound vulgar...the word from the film...she liked it rite? hahahaa..the way she die wah lau...the guys including me in the theatres went ' wah man' when she got hit by the plank...... so fast die...so poor thing...evil uma....
SIMPLE PLANning for a PERFECT life...
neo
( bout time to change nick.....its already the revolutions...:)
Saturday, November 01, 2003
all american rejects "time stands still"
him and her life is turned the day i knew you would leave i can barely breathe can you hear me scream? thrown in all directions you epitome of perfection she's lost her will time is standing still he walks, her home now he walks alone the days they turn into years the eyes they drown in tears can you hear me scream? thrown in all directions you epitome of perfection she's lost her will time is standing still the way we are, the way they were it's just a shadow of what's wrong the time with you the time is stirred i love you for so long the hearts they turn, they turn away she says to go, please, don't you cry love lost was found, night turns to day thrown in all directions you epitome of perfection she's lost her will time is standing still thrown in all directions you epitome of perfection she's lost her will time is standing still....time is standing still
darKness
him and her life is turned the day i knew you would leave i can barely breathe can you hear me scream? thrown in all directions you epitome of perfection she's lost her will time is standing still he walks, her home now he walks alone the days they turn into years the eyes they drown in tears can you hear me scream? thrown in all directions you epitome of perfection she's lost her will time is standing still the way we are, the way they were it's just a shadow of what's wrong the time with you the time is stirred i love you for so long the hearts they turn, they turn away she says to go, please, don't you cry love lost was found, night turns to day thrown in all directions you epitome of perfection she's lost her will time is standing still thrown in all directions you epitome of perfection she's lost her will time is standing still....time is standing still
darKness
You're Most Like The Season Winter ...
You're often depicted as the cold, distant season.
But you're incredibly intelligent, mature and
Independant. You have an air of power around
you - and that can sometimes scare people off.
You're complex, and get hurt easily - so you
rarely let people in if you can help it. You
can be somewhat of a loner, but just as easily
you could be the leader of many. You Tend to be
negative, and hard to relate to, but you give
off a relaxed image despite being insecure -
and secretly many people long to be like you,
not knowing how deep the Winter season really
is.
Well done... You're the most inspirational of
seasons :)
?? Which Season Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
hye hye i took the seasons one, and pretty much like what i read....darKness
and here's another one...hehehehe *evil smile*
Uh-oh - you are "Stop blowing holes in my
ship!" You're a little bit edgy,
honestly, and it's getting in the way of your
natural charm. We understand that life can be
hard, but take a deep breath and have a drink.
Relax.
Which one of Captain Jack Sparrow's bizarre sayings from Pirates of the Caribbean are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
marlena
Uh-oh - you are "Stop blowing holes in my
ship!" You're a little bit edgy,
honestly, and it's getting in the way of your
natural charm. We understand that life can be
hard, but take a deep breath and have a drink.
Relax.
Which one of Captain Jack Sparrow's bizarre sayings from Pirates of the Caribbean are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
marlena
sorry...i couldn't sleep. my cough woke me up...so here's another quiz for ya..
Everyone remembers the 'faked-orgasm-in-a-deli'
sequence from your kind of movie When Harry Met
Sally. It seems that you're falling for a buddy
or have already fallen for them. Uh-oh. You're
probably caught between the possibility of
having a great relationship and wrecking the
one you have now. You know what they say, it's
better to regret something you did than
something you didn't do.
What Romance Movie Best Represents Your Love Life?
brought to you by Quizilla
marlena
Everyone remembers the 'faked-orgasm-in-a-deli'
sequence from your kind of movie When Harry Met
Sally. It seems that you're falling for a buddy
or have already fallen for them. Uh-oh. You're
probably caught between the possibility of
having a great relationship and wrecking the
one you have now. You know what they say, it's
better to regret something you did than
something you didn't do.
What Romance Movie Best Represents Your Love Life?
brought to you by Quizilla
marlena
oh man..i'm really into this quizilla thingy. hahaha..check this one out..got my fav season right on spot! hehehe...
marlena
You're Most Like The Season Autumn ...
You're warm, and the most approachable. You have
that gentle prescence about you. People can
relate to you, and find you easy company.
However it's likely you've been hurt in the
past and it has left you scarred so things can
become rather chilly with you at times. Being
the third Season in, you're mature, trustworthy
and loyal to your friends but prone to
depression and negative thinking.
Well done... You're the shy and sensitive season :)
?? Which Season Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
marlena
You're Most Like The Season Autumn ...
You're warm, and the most approachable. You have
that gentle prescence about you. People can
relate to you, and find you easy company.
However it's likely you've been hurt in the
past and it has left you scarred so things can
become rather chilly with you at times. Being
the third Season in, you're mature, trustworthy
and loyal to your friends but prone to
depression and negative thinking.
Well done... You're the shy and sensitive season :)
?? Which Season Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
