[m] [i] [l] [k] [m] [o] [n] [$] [y] [K] [i] [d] [s]

Sunday, May 30, 2004

treasures in jars of claytoday qt's session is on how prepared are we when asked upon to speak about the truth, about Him? well, knowing more God's word & what he did & what happened is a good foundation to lay up upon. but more importantly is the daily walk with Him. if we can emulate some semblance of Jesus's life during his time here, we'd be so much more kinder to the people around us. and i want to be kinder in stealth & silence. and i'll ask Him to help me reduce that evil side of me. i cant do it alone and i shouldn't because my strength is in Him. so when we play out our daily actions to other people, we are showing them who God is, and what God has made thru us.
/ for God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," / made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ / but we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us / 2Corinthians 4:6-7 /
goo goo dolls sings "iris"
we are all jars of clay brimming with treasures....darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 9:16:00 am

why never say A is for ah-bengnow you never what will happen when you decide to try out the other name too [ahahahhahahaa]. this is cracking me up, trying to think which part of me is arty-farty...

D	Devious
A	Appreciative
R	Relaxed
K	Kind
N	Neat
E	Enchanting
S	Shiny
S	Sweet
-
A	Arty
K	Kinky

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

# posted by BooksActually : 8:57:00 am

this is irrelevantman i feel like a sex toy or something, so anyone interested to hire me? [ahahaahhahahhaha]

K	Kinky
E	Easy
N	Natural
N	Naive
Y	Yummy

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

# posted by BooksActually : 8:53:00 am

Saturday, May 29, 2004

the cure's "a thousand hours"
for how much longer can i howl into this wind?
for how much longer
can i cry like this?
a thousand wasted hours a day
just to feel my heart for a second
a thousand hours just thrown away
just to feel my heart for a second
for how much longer can i howl into this wind?

# posted by BooksActually : 1:15:00 pm

commitment-commitment-commitmenttoday's qt session is about God's wake-up call for me. yes, i know ive seriously backslided over the years, often not putting in enough effort in my daily walk with Him. ive not been going to church since i was nineteen and along the way i did had to learn alot of things by the hard way. He showed me what it was like living alone, He showed me that i should love & be faithful to my future spouse, He showed me that by trusting in Him, then everything will be alright, He showed me what is it to be struggling when not much people believed in what i want to do, and He showed me that His love is enough for me to carry on every single day.
/ wake up! / strengthen what remains and is about to die / for i have not found your deeds complete in the sight of my God / remember, therefore, what you have received and heard / obey it and repent / but if you do not wake up / i will come like a thief and you will not know at what time i will come to you / Revelation 3:1-6 /
candy lo sings some cantonese song
pour your heart into it....darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 8:57:00 am

Friday, May 28, 2004

qt session #xxxxxxxvery often we'll be asked to endure harsh treatment/words at work, at school, at home, and even from strangers, by God. its not because He wants us to feel lousy & suffer for no good reason but rather now i know, He wants us to suffer for a good reason. in that by knowing the pain, we'll be a source of comfort to others - friends or families - when they are in pain. its like we already know how it feels so we should become a better listening ear. God's planning & works are unfathomable to us but at the very least we can use it to help others. when someone gives you a harsh word, absorb it and give back a kind word instead. yes, thats the person that i need to be. if you're buying food from a fastfood outlet, and the kid infront of the counter gives you this really nasty attitude, absorb it, and thank him/her for the assistance. retail service work is bad enough work, and maybe the kid's pet dog just died, so give that benefit of the doubt and say thank-you, and mean it when you say it. thats the way it should be.

/ but how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? / but if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God / 1Peter 2:19-20 /
/ praise be to the God and Father our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort / who comforts us in all our troubles / so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have recieved from God / if we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation / if we are comforted, it is for your comfort which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer / 2Corinthians 1:3-4, 6 /
the cure sings "a letter to elise"
every part of me dies....darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 9:03:00 am

Thursday, May 27, 2004

just write write writeit doesn't matter at all when one morning she'll wake up and she'll be able to know when bad things will happen and she'll be powerless to do anything to stop it. she'll know when her friends and loved ones are going to die, whether they'd meet with a mishap or pass away peacefully in their sleep. she'll have to know what, when, and how it'll take place. she'll see things that she wished would never happen. she'll be alone. and knowing that silence is her only companion, she'll always know things. she knows when our hearts will break, and when our hearts will heal. a gift that she didn't asked for but nonetheless given to her. no one will be able to understand for no one really could. and yet, i have seen her before. ive seen her carrying the world upon her shoulders. ive seen that grief that she had learnt to keep so brilliantly hidden. but then i lost her on an early thursday afternoon. yet, i know i will see her again one of these days and maybe i can learn not to understand but to share in her grief.
darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 10:08:00 pm

trust & obeytoday's qt session is about having faith in Him. in that whatever happens, especially the bad stuff, we 'll keep having faith in Him that he will carry us thru. and to me faith is made up of two parts, Believing in Him & Trusting in Him. if i believe in His methods and plans, i'll not be without direction, i'll not question His decisions. if i trust in His will and words, i'll fear not even when ive to walk alone.think about it, if you had a loved one and he/she died in a sudden accident, without even having a chance to say goodbye, will we be angry with God??
/ hearing this, Jesus said to Jairus, "dont be afraid; just believe, and she will be healed / Luke 8:50 /

candy lo sings "lok dei hoi fa"
im no saint but im a great liar....darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 9:27:00 am

Wednesday, May 26, 2004

the final deadline is fixed @ 7th June 2004today's qt is about knowing that God is always with us and watching over us. that in no matter what we do, He'll always wait for us to come to Him. to me, He is that ever-present hand that is always reaching out to me, to pull me up when i decide that i can no longer go on. i might not have realised it enough but He is always there for me. and that is assurance good enough for me.
/ no king is saved by the size of his army / no warrior escapes by his great strength / a horse is a vain hope for deliverance / despite all its great strength it cannot save / but the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him / on those whose hope is in his unfailing love / to deliver them from death / and keep them alive in famine / we wait in hope for the Lord / he is our help and our shield / in him our hearts rejoice for we trust in his holy name / may your unfailing love rest upon us O Lord / even as we put our hope in you / Psalm 33:16-22 /
the cure sings "a letter to elise"
she says the skies in st. beliz are green....darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 9:35:00 am

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

a letter to elise, a letter to herive got to say that the cure's "a letter to elise" is a damn brilliant song with farking killer-beautiful words. the lyrics is made up like a prose, there are no chorus stanzas, just pure prose movement. and i think its a damn sad song too, enough to make you want to cry if you listen to it on a loop. it'll make you think of things that one shouldn't have let go, and shouldn't have forgotten so easily until the memories comes back every waking moment to haunt you. it'll make you think of the deams you had of the person that you had fell for at an infatuated age of fifteen. it'll make you think where is that person now, and what is she doing, is she doing fine at all?? it'll let you know that nothing can be gotten back once you've allowed it to slip thru your hands. it'll make you rue why didnt i write that letter to her?? and all i want to know & hope is that she's doing fine. but it'll make you realise that there is nothing else you can really do, nothing else at all.
the cure sings "a letter to elise"
with her lovely smile, she'd always say super-lovers london tokyo since 1993....darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 11:52:00 pm

wonderful song wonderful lyricsthe cure's "a letter to elise"oh elise it doesn't matter what you say / i just can't stay here every yesterday like keep on acting out the same / the way we act out / every way to smile / forget / and make-believe we never needed / any more than this / any more than this / oh elise it doesn't matter what you do / i know i'll never really get inside of you / to make your eyes catch fire / the way they should / the way the blue could pull me in / if they only would / if they only would / at least i'd lose this sense of sensing something else / that hides away / from me and you / there're worlds to part / with aching looks and breaking hearts / and all the prayers your hands can make / oh i just take as much as you can throw / and then throw it all away / oh i throw it all away / like throwing faces at the sky / like throwing arms round / yesterday / i stood and stared / wide-eyed in front of you / and the face i saw looked back the way i wanted to / but i just can't hold my tears away / the way you do / elise... believe i never wanted this / i thought this time i'd keep all of my promises / i thought you were the girl i always dreamed about / but i let the dream go / and the promises broke / and the make-believe ran out... / oh elise it doesn't matter what you say / i just can't stay here every yesterday / like keep on acting out the same / the way we act out / every way to smile / forget / and make-believe we never needed / any more than this / any more than this / and every time i try to pick it up / like falling sand / as fast as i pick it up / it runs away through my clutching hands / but there's nothing else i can really do / there's nothing else i can really do / there's nothing else i can really do / at all.... /

darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 10:38:00 pm

it has gotten even more seriousit has been a slow start to my morning, woke up at nine-ish, drank my coffee, dilly-dally abit, and just finished my qt session. today i learnt about God's purpose in things that happens around us. and i do agree that both bad & good things happen for a reason, it happens in the hope that we'll be molded by the experience. it happens so that we'll learn how to differentiate issues, and know what matters and what matters not. in all things thru him.
im going to make a second covenant with Him, and if i make it, ive to fulfill it. i made the first one back in february and fulfilled it though it was mentally difficult. now, its time for a second one so that i could be more disciplined & learn how to walk the narrow path better. my second covenant will be to pour all my energies towards the biz for the next 2years, and i'll demand no less than 12hours of work each day, for twenty-four/seven. of course, walking closer with Him is an integral part of my second covenant with Him too. this covenant thingy is damn serious becos there is no cheating God. i dare not break the first one becos i feared for his wrath over me. as same, once i make this second one, i cannot break it ever.
sum41 sings "still waiting"
this is going to be scary....darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 9:40:00 am

Monday, May 24, 2004

sailing alone around the roomi know that ive lead myself into isolation & seclusion for the past 2months or so, and if i had in anyway given my friends a distancing feeling, im sorry. my isolation is of my own choosing, at the very least, i know this is what i need now so that i'll be better disciplined to finish up what ive set out to do. give me another 2 more years, where i'll need to work 16hours a day, for 7days a week. once this 2years is done, i'll be back to my normal self again, i promise. nothing much to be said except im sorry again. btw, my mobile & room phone will be cut off pretty soon, thus the only way to get me is either online or thru email. no worries, im always online 24/7.
sum 41 sings "still waiting"
she says super-lovers london tokyo since 1993, i thot so too....darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 11:03:00 am

i will be dreaming my dreamsi guessed it must rained earlier in the morning because when i woke up the weather was kinda cold. the skies are still overcast now and the weather still pleasant enough for an extended morning sleep but i shall do without the latter for now. today's qt sessions is about the "cross" and what it symbolizes. to me, it serves as a reminder that God had sent his Son to die for our sins on the cross in order for us to be redeemed. the act of dying on the cross, shedding his blood for us, and at that very point has qualified us for redemption. whether we are to take up his offer for salvation is up to us. the cross will also lead us to the risen Christ where death can have no hold over Him. Jesus only had one purpose while he was here, and that was to take his place on the cross for us. so let us dwell what the cross is and not how it looks around our necks. my mom had summed it up well enough for me when i was a kid, she said, "wear it for a purpose, not for a need or want."

/ this man was handed over to you by God's set purpose and foreknowledge / and you with the help of wicked men / put him to death by nailing him to the cross / but God raised him from the dead / freeing him from the agony of death / because it was impossible for death to keep its hold on him, / Acts 2:23-24 /
goo goo dolls sings "big machine"
at seventeen God shook up my world....darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 9:29:00 am

Sunday, May 23, 2004

washing other people's feettoday's qt session is about serving all people. before jesus's death on the cross, before the partaking of the last supper, he had knelt down upon his disciples - including judas that was to betray him - to wash their feet. and he said,
/ you call me 'Teacher' and 'Lord' , and rightly so, for that is what I am / now that I, your Lord and Teacher have washed your feet / you also should wash one another's feet / i have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you / John 13:13-14 /
i guess what he was trying to tell us was that in everything that we do, humility should come first. and that we, as in the body of christ, we are called to serve all people, including the lovely and the unlovely, the friendly and the not-so-friendly.
so if you happen to need some "washing of feet", you can give me a buzz, and i'll try not to break any toes or anything like that. this offer also applies to the people that i want to burn down along with Borders. okae, okae, i know im still so evil [muahahhahahahahaha]
the cure sings "pictures of you"
its wonderful to see your shoes and your spirits rise....darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 7:55:00 am

Saturday, May 22, 2004

del corazónthese are the lyrics to hoobastank's "from the heart", and looking back at the plans for BooksActually that will reach a good 2years of planning & slacking on it, i know that whatever i had done - both right & many wrongs - it was done from the heart, and im going to perservere thru for i believe in it. Gracie had asked me what will happen if i fail this time round? i replied without hesitation that "i will start all over again."
/ there was a time when our dreams felt so real / just out of reach but not too far to feel / together we'd finally make then come true / cause anythings possible when i was with you / but they kept on saying we'd never amount to anything.... / all of the dreams we built up from the ground / they never believed them they just tore them down / we will rebuild them from the start / we will rebuild them from the heart /cause once all we wanted seemed so far away / but with everystep it was closer each day / the more that we tried it was within our grasp / the more that they told us that it wouldn't last / and everyone said we were crazy for giving up everything.... /
hoobastank sings "from the heart"
there's a difference in knwoing the path and walking the path....darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 12:59:00 pm

last night i dreamt of lucy againtoday's qt session is asking strength, courage, and balls from God. i realise that there're quite alot of things in life that you need balls to accomplish. and i think it was my mom that instilled the concept of "have balls will conquer everything" but she forgot that having balls will also supersede your ability to know whether it right or wrong. i can only pray that i will not take issues to their extremity till the point when regrets are too late. in the meanwhile, balls will do.
/ i will praise you, O Lord, with all my heart / before the "gods" i will sing your praise / i will bow down toward your holy temple / and will praise your name for your love and your faithfulness / for you have exalted above all things / your name and your word / when i called you answered me; you made me bold and stouthearted / may all the kings of the earth praise you, O Lord / when they hear the words of your mouth / may they sing of the ways of the Lord for the glory of the Lord is great / though the Lord is on high, he looks upon the lowly / but the proud he knows from afar / though i walk in the midst of trouble / you preserve my life / you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes / with your right hand you save me / the Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O Lord endures forever / do not abandon the works of your hands / Psalm 138:1-8 /
enya sings "may it be"
knowing the path and walking the path is different....darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 9:48:00 am

Friday, May 21, 2004

an extension of 8-daysjust finished with today's qt session, had left it till late becos was helping out with gracie for her assignments, and time was limited. had woked up at eight this morning, and frantically started analysing all those biz theories and applying to the case studies. i could've done better if i hadn't wasted an entire day yesterday playing bubbles on my comp. anyway today's qt is about walking the talk. quoting what morpheus said to neo in matrix-one, "there's a difference between knowing the path and walking the path." yesh, shall've to try to walk better and talk less.
/ do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves / do what it says / anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror / and after looking at himself / goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like / but the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom / and continues to do this / not forgetting what he has heard / but doing it - he will be blessed in what he does / James 1:22-25 /
thats it, been another tiring day. and yeap, had to give myself an extension of eight-days to finish up the biz plan. pray God for strength and wisdom as i finish up the biz plan.
third day sings "forty days"
He is my hope & salvation, my forty days & forty nights....darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 10:07:00 pm

Thursday, May 20, 2004

in my life, there are no U-turnsthere is only trust, not blindly but by faith. im not ready to lay, im not ready to fade, im not ready to die. its night eat night, just like the way the dawn consumes you as the evil possesses me. the work is not finish yet, while the fear has hardly even begun. this is not a choice, it was never one because it was a given to me when i was barely fourteen. i did not know then but now im aware, and will fully abide by its rules whatever that may come. this july is going to be hell with everything been blown out of proportions but i will still choose to stand at the front. i will either learn how to protect or risk dying from it. losing is not an option, not for me, not for my godson, not for his dad.
kidneythieves sings "before im dead"
there is no right or wrong, there's only a reliance on instinct....darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 8:57:00 pm

even LKY said that the air-con was the best inventionwoke up pretty early just now, and the weather was terribly warm already. i told gracie yesterday that if we had an air-con, then our work output would miraculously be doubled, aided by the comfort of working in a cooled room. but alas, we shall have to make do with my trusty fan. alrighty, today's qt session is about being thankful or making do with what we have.
/ be joyful always / pray continually / give thanks in all circumstances for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus / 1Thessalonians 5:16-18 /
though it is easier said than done, we shall have to try our hardest to be thankful regardless of all circumstances. my dad lives on an "extended life passport". i had asked God to give me back my dad for just one year on that night in '95 when he mightn't pull thru. instead, God has given him back to me for nine good years. and for that im glad & thankful regardless of the unescapable outcome. sometimes, crappy things happen, like losing a job or failing a paper or a friend dies, but at the end of the day, im certain & trust that everything is thru Him. and of course, i shall be thankful for still having a working fan in the horrendous heat.
xiao mei sings "yi wang"
12months from now, i asked for God to give me the ability to buy into mapletree REITS....darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 10:18:00 am

Wednesday, May 19, 2004

killing antsjust got an eternal assurance from Him in my qt session.
/ do not let your hearts be troubled / trust in God, trust also in me / in my Father's house are many rooms / if it were not so, i would have told / im going there to prepare a place for you / i will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where i am / you know the way to the place where i am going / John 14:1-4 /

yes, i do know how to get to that place but oft i stray from the narrow path. i gotta learn better. gotta ask for strength, for everything thru Him. gotta be humble. gotta be a servant. gotta trust in Him.
/ trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding / in all your ways acknowledge him / and he will make your paths straight / Proverbs 3:5-6 /
xiao mei sings "zai wo li kai ni zhi qian li kai wo"
gotta be humble....darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 9:59:00 am

Tuesday, May 18, 2004

all thankful regardlessgotta thank Him for giving me the Final Solution to solve the Sideline problem for BooksActually. why have i never thot of this solution, it has been staring right at my face for the damn longest time. now, the next hurdle to clear is to manufacture it. yes, it requires manufacturing and i believe in outsourcing relentlessly. i know, im not making sense here, pardon me, pardon me, pardon me, merci beaucoup
project wyze sings "erica pt1"
gotta run away like mad....darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 11:35:00 am

the fight goes oni woke up at eight and its was damn seriously hot already. this weather is a super-killer siah, doesn't help when i need to be desk-bound, staring at the computer, and trying to gain as much relief as possible from the overworked fan. we need a long full-drawn day of rain, yes, we seriously need that. anyways, qt session for today is about loving your enemies in order to fulfill God's commandment. the verses are:

/ the entire law is summed up in a single commandment: "Love your neighbour as yourself." / Galatians 5:14 /
/ you have heard that it was said, "Love your neighbour and hate your enemy." / but i tell you: "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you / that you may be sons of your Father in heaven / he causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good / and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous / if you love those who love you, what reward will you get? / Matthew 5:43-46 /
ive known this 2verses for a very long time since i was a kid, but have never really been able to properly follow it because each time the hatred & enimity just overcomes me. i guess i should learn better. yes, i should learn better from now on. i'll have to learn better or else end up dying from it literally.
candy lo sings "lok te hoi fa"
running away like mad....darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 9:21:00 am

Monday, May 17, 2004

God asked me "what have i been doing with my boredom"today's qt session dealt with BOREDOM & LISTENing, yes, as in feeling bored that "bored" and listening that "listened". from now on, i'll try not to say/feel that im bored anymore for the rest of my daily walk. because just as we recognise that we are precious to God, we also have precious little time on this earth to serve him. a love & verve to serve Him will replace the dreaded boredom that manifest itself in many ways, and we'll seek to be used by Him to touch others' lives in positive ways. after all, idle hands are the devil's hands and too much sleep is no good. so if at any time, you are bored, sit down, pray to Him for guidiance or simply have another qt session or call up a friend whom needs a listening ear. and soon enough, He'll tell you what to do. as best said in Ephesians 2:10, "for we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

and also make it a Bad habit [make it a "bad" habit so that its harder to break] to listen, to listen with intent, to listen because you to want to listen. i dont mean listening to instructions but as in listening to someone who needs a listening ear. for deep relationships are built on acceptance, understanding, and being a good listener. just as God listens to us without flinching, i shall try to do the same. im hopeless at listening so lets pray that i can cultivate the bad habit of listening. and the qt verses are:

/ for we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do / Ephesians 2:10 /
/ if only you would be altogether silent! / for you, that would be wisdom / hear now my argument / listen to the plea of my lips / Job 13:5-6 /

hikaru utada sings "wait see risk"
oh why, oh why, oh why must there be only 5days left to the deadline....darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 9:44:00 am

Sunday, May 16, 2004

sick lame joke of the dayduring English lesson, Brandon's teacher asked him go up to the blackboard and construct a sentence for the word, "Carpet". Brandon hesitated a bit and thought for awhile before he wrote: "Today, my dad was parking his car into the garage and he squashed my pet cockroach."
told you it was sick & lame....darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 12:55:00 pm

ten thousand i thank yousjust finished qt and decided that i shall write down a list of THANKS to God instead. btw, a few questions that i had came across earlier, and i think its good to ask ourselves what kind of answers we have to them. "do we worship God out of a Need or Want?", "has worshipping God become a comfortable Sunday routine that you think its enough already?", and "is spreading the Word of God done among your fellow breathen or with others not yet in the faith?".

*thanks to Him for giving me close friends that i can irritate/whine to.
*thanks to Him for giving this hot arid weather so that the bookshelves will not have mould growth.
*thanks to Him for lessening the pain in my left shoulder blade.
*thanks to Him for sustaining me financially thus far.
*thanks to Him for protecting me thus far.
*thanks to Him for letting me stay with dad.
*thanks to Him for letting me to stay in a comfortable place.
*thanks to Him for teaching me patience the hard way.
*thanks to Him for giving me the freedom to worship Him everyday.
*thanks to Him for giving me so much rest thus far.
*thanks to Him for giving me troubles so that i can learn my lessons.
*thanks to Him for giving me worries so that i'll turn to Him.
*thanks to Him for giving me pain so that i'll know what matters most.
*thanks to Him for giving me crapshit so that i can grow up.
*thanks to Him for giving me the ability to crack lame jokes.
*thanks to Him for looking over me while i sleep.
*thanks to Him for showing me all that i need to know.
*and thanks to Him for guiding me thus far.

the list does go on & on, never knowing when to stop, and i still need the directions of His soft nudgiing hands. for i know He will make me bear upon the unbearable so that i can perservere & grow in the way He wants to me to. and when that day comes, i'll give my thanks.
candy lo sings some cantonese song
for when i am weak, then i am strong....darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 9:48:00 am

Saturday, May 15, 2004

jumps around with joyits going to rain like ten thousand cats n' dogs. finally, it is going to rain a damn big one. no more drizzle but a thunderstorm is more likely. yes, its finally going to rain....
hikaru utada sings "wait see risk"
only happy when it rains....darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 6:58:00 pm

lame joke of the dayat woodbridge hospital, there is a patient who will go to garden the moment he wakes up. once there, he'll squat beneath his favourite tree and open his black-colour umbrella as though he's taking shelter from the rain. this patient will do this without fail everyday, squatting beneath the tree with his open black umbrella, speaking to no one, until the doctors decides to give up.
one day, a new attendant doctor joined the hospital and saw the man doing the same thing everyday. he asked his colleagues & nurses why is that so, and they couldn't give him a satisfactory answer. so he decided that he should try some way to speak to the man. the next day, he took a black umbrella, opened it, and squatted beside the man to see if he'd talk to him. and as expected, the man spoke to the doctor. he said, "oh, you are a mushroom too."
hikaru utada sings "wait see risk"
told you it was lame....darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 4:51:00 pm

lets read Galatianstoday in qt sessions, i read on 2issues, and hopefully, i'll learn them too. one is on seeking wisdom from God, and the other is on Integrity. and the verses are:

/ and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding / and if you look for it as silver and search for it as for hidden treasure / then you will understand the fear of the Lord / and find the knowledge of God / for the Lord gives wisdom / and from his mouth comes knowledge and understanding / Proverbs 2:3-6 /
/ the Lord abhors dishonest scales, but accurate weights are his delight / when pride comes, then comes disgrace / but with humilty comes wisdom / the integrity of the upright guides them / but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity / Proverbs 11:1-3 /

as with many people, there're still many things that i dont understand such as why Nick Berg & his family had to go thru what has passed. and though understanding doesn't come now, ive learnt to accept it and know well enough that God has his own masterplan. it doesn't make sense, and im accepting it not out of fatalism but rather, for a piece of trust in God. and seeking his wisdom is an ongoing task lest we fall sideways, just as our body needs nourishment so does our spiritual being. and ask from him "understanding", for he will give freely. all of us might worship in different ways, some in church-going, others at home, and a few who worship him thru mission-work, but in all of these, we'll be seeking him.

the second qt-verse dealt with integrity, something sorely lacking in me. i grew up learning to apply integrity as and when i see fit. i know im still lacking in integrity in alot of issues but shall try to ingrain it as part of me from one day to another.
candy lo sings some cantonese song
oh my gosh, 7days left, and come 7th-month pray that i'll survive....darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 9:42:00 am

Friday, May 14, 2004

8 days left and im still a long way off from finishingtodays qt session is all about the heart, and keep it beating to God's rhythmic Top40 charts, which is the Bible lah, then you think what, 50cents huh? and the qt verses are as follows:

/ let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace / Colossians 3:15 /
/ listen closely to my words / do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart / for they are life to those who find them and health to a man's whole body / above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life / Proverbs 4:20-23 /

i know oft that my heart is the machinery for all the evil schemes that i get up to. my brain is just an accessory for the heart to work out the steps to carry out my evil plans. so at the end of the day, my heart is where i should guard most zealously. i'll ask for the strength to be broad-minded, sticking to my work, and letting the provoking words/actions slide away. i'll let God dictate when should i turn away or when i should whack them into pulp. okae, i still got a long way to go before the heart is right.
candy lo sings some cantonese song
He knows when & where & whom....darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 9:25:00 am

Thursday, May 13, 2004

learning more doesn't mean i know morestill not in the best frame of mind after what i had watched last night, sleep was fitful, and i woke up too early, at eight, thinking it was nine. but got an email from georgeC on his reading & experience of The Beatitudes. i had read it a couple of times before and know how reassuring it can be, so decided to use it for my qt today.

/ blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven / blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted / blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth / blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled / blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy / blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God / blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God / blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven / blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me / rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you / Matthew 5:3-12 /

i had earlier saw a picture of nick berg's father sitting on a grass patch, head down, and crying in full sorrow. knelt beside him was another son, whom had his arm around him trying to comfort his bereaved father.

i know i got no right to judge whether what had happened was right or wrong, and i know that many, including friends, will not agree with me, on why i cant say that what happened is wrong. this is because i had not been given the right to judge - though wilfully against Him, i had done it countless times - and this time, im going to show restrain by not judging. i'll only keep to mourning. and now, i'll have to bear witness of nick berg's last moments of existence forever with me.
darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 8:47:00 am

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

im so sorryjust went into kazza to download the video of the beheading of American Nick Berg. and its terrible. its more than terrible. my heart is thumping like mad now and fingers shaking. ive seen people being slashed, ive been cut before but not on this scale. Nick Berg was really beheaded. the whole world got to see the last moments of his life. wonder how will everyone react, from George Bush to the people in America to people over here. he's innocent. he's innocent. he wasn't even a soldier. he was just an american contractor who went over there sourcing for the buisness for his company. he didn't deserve that regardless of all that prisoner abuse. he's innocent. he's innocent. please pray for his peace tonight because i do not know whether he knew that was his last moment in life or did his kidnappers told him beforehand that he was to be executed. please pray for him, for his peace.
kenny

# posted by BooksActually : 10:07:00 pm

my oh my, 10days leftfrom the moment i woke up, it started drizzling abit, and now the skies are overcast, gloomy at best, and im ecstatic. its has been one bloody hot weather for like 4days running, and now, we're so going to be blessed by coolness weather. aahahahhaha, going crazy over here. and having the nice cool weather also translates to a better work output from me. yesterday, it was so humid & suffocating that i ended up reading abit here & there, and not touching the biz plan. i was like "heated" into some sort of zombie stupor that i slept at 11plus. but today, its going to be different. now, lets pray that it stays that way. oh yah, this is the qt verse for today:

/ day after day, in the temple courts and from house to house / they never stopped teaching and proclaiming the good news that Jesus is the Christ / Acts 5:42 /

what it means here is that our evangelical work is & has to be an all-year-round work. for calling people to join in the body of Christ cannot only be done when we're inspired at sporadic moments or during Christmas. we've to be vigilant enough that every action & words that comes from us will not be a stumbling block to others, believers or otherwise. knowing God, speaking(praying) to God, trusting God, obeying God is a 24/7 event, thus, so should be our efforts for the gathering of his children. and bear in mind, you dont need to do it in a big way, just a small prayer or a kind gesture will go a long way. just like the tiny pebble that creates ripples reaching the shoreline.

candy lo sings some cantonese song
where his faithfulness & mercies are mever stingy....darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 9:40:00 am

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

if i was staying alone, i'd go around nakedhot, hot, hot, why is it so hot, why must it be so hot, why did it get so hot, why, why, why so hot, why must it be so hot, i cant stand it already. why, why must it be so hot, i really cant stand it anymore, can someone donate an air-con and pay the monthly utilities bill that comes along with the air-con. why is so hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, i cannot take it anymore.
candy lo sings some cantonese song
darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 9:22:00 pm

qt session in the sweltering morning heatcant believe that its so damn pissing hot, and im going to melt soon. am falling behind on schedule for the biz plan so will try to play catch-up later, and hopefully the weather will rain or something so that i could work better. moving on, the qt verse today is:

/ immediately he spoke to them and said, "take courage! it is I. don't be afraid." / then he climbed into the boat with them and the wind died down / they were completely amazed / Mark 6:50 - 51 /

yesh, i will take courage knowing that ive been allowed to stand on his side. i will need the courage transfusion from him for lotsa of things that is going to come to pass. im still not out of the woods yet but he says "take courage, it is I, dont be afraid," then i shall not be afraid too. oh yah, i just deviated from blogging to kill a giant hornet buzzing around in my room. and yes, this is the 3rd one that ive killed in the last 2weeks or so. and i just realised that i gotten an infusion of courage from him to kill the hornet. the last time i killed the 2nd one was by trapping it and then spraying it with sheltox, this time, i hunted the fella down with my baton of rolled-up newspaper.

candy lo sings some cantonese song
and as usual, i'd say bring it on....darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 9:25:00 am

Monday, May 10, 2004

im either forgetful or too talkativethe purpose of blogging just now was to write down the list of books that ive read thus far, so that i could've an accessible record of things. but then of course, i simply chatter on. these are the books that ive read so far in 04', and wishing for more to be added on:

1. Anne Lomott's "Traveling Mercies, Some Thoughts on Faith" (christian faith)
2. Martin Amis's "Experience" (autoboigraphy)
3. Michael Biagent's "Holy Blood, Holy Grail" (heretic theology)
4. Hanif Kureishi's "Gabriel's Gift" (fiction)
5. Nick Hornby's "About a Boy" (fiction)
6. Thomas Keneally's "Schindler's List" (history narrative)
7. Abraham Twerski's "Waking Up Just in Time" (christian method of the 12-step program)
8. Sir David Attenborough's "Life On Air" (autobiography)

candy lo singing some cantonese song
gotta read them all....darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 1:23:00 pm

im reeling from lack of sleeplooks like my reading assignments are moving up to schedule, though ive to admit that the time devoted to it has been grossly immense, thus, eating away the time meant for the workings of the biz plan. but then, i really need to read as much as possible, and as fast as possible, if i want to be able to recommend titles to my future customers of BooksActually. last year2003, i read quite abit especially towards the end of the year. this year, i started slowly but have picked up speed in the last 3weeks. had just finished, the acclaimed naturalist & documentary maestro Sir David Attenborough's autobiography "Life on Air." as usual i had bought the book nearly 2years back but only picked it up yesterday mid-morning, and managed to eat thru the 374-page hardcover behemoth from yesterday till just now. in between i slept for 4hours - from four.am to eight.am - so that i can finish the book faster.

and the book was brilliant, and it had to be brilliant no matter what because im a big big fan of Attenborough, having watch his documentaries while growing up, and easily acquired the ability to recognise his narrative voice even when he wasn't in the particular scene, and i had just switched on the tv. admittedly, my dad was equally a big fan of his, and still watches documentaries on animal planet as captivated as when i was a little dope. now, my younger step-siblings, Jonathan or Daniellia, suffers the fate of having either to listen to backup running commentaries by my dad about some strange animal behaviour shown or were bludgeoned with pop quizzes on why the animal ate the other poor animal. but then, it was that way that my dopey head was cramped full with all these general knowledge, coupled with a growing steady love for nature & Attenborough, and learning how to rear catapillars into pupas then butterflies, or trying to grow poisonous mushrooms on a rotting log in the kitchen that my mom had salvaged from somewhere for me. oh yah, in primary4 Attenborough told me that fishes hibernate too, and i tried to practice hibernation on a few of my fishes by freezing them in cups of water, and then thawing it afterwards. well, most of them survive anyway and mom thot that i was a bloody wierd kid, half-afraid that i'd want to be a vet instead of a doctor.

candy lo sings "san gou zhi"
if there was any time in my age that i'd want to re-live again, that'd be 1993 when i was about to turn 15....darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 12:42:00 pm

knowing that you're happy is enough for metoday's qt session reminds me of taking refuge in God. yesh, there'll always be a time/moment when everything is too much for us to bear, and then we break down, and then we might or mightn't turn to him for comfort. in that sense we're flippant but i guess most of us would usually turn to him praying for help, assurance, and protection. and even that, we'd usually turn to our families or friends first. so let us remind ourselves that in everything, always yield it up to him first, because He is the cornerstone refuge forever resilient & unbreakable. for he is thy rod & thy staff, and they comfort me.

and in all my failings, i found my refuge in him. while staying alone & just started work at Borders, i had to move out of the hougang flat immediately so arrangements was made by my dad to move to amk, but somehow, somewhere everything grandly screwed up. so suddenly, i had no place where i could properly stay, my dad's place was out at that time because there wasn't any space for me, my mum & i was still having alot of bad funk, and so things look terribly desperate to me. and i remember on that day of the screw-up i was super-down, super-tired, super-defeated, and super-crushed. and good enough, i decided to call up a few friends to pray about the sticky situation, and as you'd have it, i couldn't reach no one on their mobile or home. they either didn't pick up their mobile or just couldn't be found. even my best fren, gracie couldn't be found. so it was like utter feeling like shit kinda of day. and i turned to him. he had just created a situation to remind me that in all things thru him & his will, and he had to give it to me the hard way to remind me. i had NOT turned to him for counsel nor refuge, instead i was trying to solve my problems my way. and so all in all, i ws still very buggered by my accomodation blues for the next 2weeks, but he had restored sense into me, and for that, it was enough.

/ taste and see that the Lord is good; / blessed is the man who takes refuge in him / Psalm 34: 8 /

/ have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me / for in you my soul take refuge / i will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed / Psalm 57: 1 /

candy lo sings "sam gou zhi"
knowing that you're happy is enough for me....darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 8:51:00 am

Sunday, May 09, 2004

thou shall not pay lip service only, kennytoday is the Lord's day and im not in church as usual but just finished my qt, and i shall use the entire day, today, to reflect upon what i had read, and to remind myself of what i have to do. shall start with the qt verses first:

/ render to caesar the things that are caesar's, and to God the things that are God's. / Mark 12: 17 /

/ do not call conspiracy everything that these people call conspiracy; / do not fear what they fear, and do not dread it / the Lord Almighty is the one you are to regard as holy / he is the one you are to fear / he is the one you re to dread / and he will be a sanctuary / Isaiah 8: 12 - 14 /

/ "the most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: / 'hear, o Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one / love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength / the second is this: / love your neighbour as yourself' / there is no commandment greter than these." / Mark 12: 29 - 31 /

so in these verses, firstly, i learnt that i must give to God what is his, for no one can cheat or hide from Him. and as today is his day, i shall make sure that i give my time to Him, and try to rein in the desire to watch lotsa of tv. my devotional also says that "spend time and money wisely for they both belong to God."
secondly, i learnt that we must always be God-fearing, and i do not mean it in some sort of master-slave kinda of way. but rather, we fear God on the basis that he is our Father or mentor, just as we'd fear our earthly father. because when you learn to fear in God then, then there is nothing else you will fear as God has given you strength & balls to overcome everything. yes, God will give you balls to be fearless against everyone & anything.
thirdly, are His greatest commandments that you'll find being repeated throughout the bible. love Him with all our heart and all our soul and all our mind and all our strength, as you would do when you fall in love with someone whom you think is the one. for if we can devote that sort of emotions to someone that we love, why is it any lesser to do it for Him? and finally, love one another because that is the greatest commandment of all. for when you love the people around you, including the ones that you want to chop into pieces to make curry, you're showing the love of God too.

candy lo sings some cantonese song and i dont know what's the name
yes, God will give me both sense and balls to overcome everything....darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 10:00:00 am

Saturday, May 08, 2004

this is damn pisshead retarded hilarious, came across it in another stranger's blog. its some sort of cartoon promotional trailer for a Korean company that make snacks. and the message of the ad is that their snacks are like maggots that popped out from lumps of shit.maggot shit snacks
darlness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 7:14:00 pm

a question of balls & senseembarking on a determined search, i just found out that now Singapore Press Holdings (SPH) owns Paragon. and its book valuation is S$850 million. yes you heard me right, S$850,000,000, and that is a lot of zeroes. imagine at book value its already S$150mil shy of S$1billion. imagine ive to buy it at market value, which should surely shoot past the S$1billion mark without breaking a lousy sweat. currently, ive $200.00 in my bank, so im like very very very very far way off to buying Paragon. its going to be fun to earn that much of obscene amount of money to buy Paragon, so enough of all that chatter, lets get down to work, and try to earn that 1st million dollars first. one step at a time, and two steps to knock out all my teeth.
candy lo sings "hou sam fan sou"
ahahhahhaha, ive gotta be crazy....darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 6:08:00 pm

eat up my words, and swallow my prideokae time for some retraction, need to swallow some words uttered arrogantly by who else but me. "if God was my ally, then who else can stand against me?". now, having been given a lesson in humility, it should be "it makes little difference to me whether God is on my side or on the oppositions's side. What is important is that i be on God's side." yesh, yesh, i know, i was such an arrogant fool. im sorry.
darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 11:37:00 am

lets eat humble char kway teotoday's qt session is about ambition, and im thankful for it to appear at this timing, lest i lose sight of God's will & guidiance, and lest still, i lose being humble. okae, okae, i know most of the time im an arrogant irritating fool so for those friends near me, always whack my head first and then remind me to be humble. as my qt devotional says it best, "ambition is not always wrong but when it consumes us so that we can't wait for God, then it will result in a lack of faith, which will lead on to detachment from His will & love. Be amitious for the Lord, but be cautious about your motives."

yesh, i know that my ambitions are wildly crazy, and most say impossible. well, cant blame them becos wanting to buy Paragon is not just ambition, its pure lunacy. but Paragon is a private pact that ive made with God. so i shall always stay the course. but with today's qt reminder, i know that i must not lose sight of God, and always seeking God, always seeking humility. and i must not just say it, i must do it.

/ not so with you / instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant / and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all / for even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many / Mark 10: 43 - 45

candy lo sings "hou sam fan sou"
i want to be the humble staff....darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 10:04:00 am

Friday, May 07, 2004

an obvious Lousy excuse to light upi just stumbled across a billy collins book that i have gathering dust in my boxes. he is an acclaimed poet in the states, having been appointed the Poet Laureat of the United States from 2001 - 2003. its similar to Ted Hughes's Poet Laureat status appointment in the United Kingdom. had bought it awhile back at Borders but just never gotten around reading it. i realise when i buy poetry books, i dont read them from cover to cover but what happens, is that i'll look thru the contents page, narrow down to the poetry title that piqued me the most, and i'll flipped to the poem and digest it. not the best way to read a poetry book but it works for me, and somehow, it preserves its shelf-life because now & then i'll flip thru the book, and flippantly, read thru whatever captures me. and this is the latest one that piqued me, and not to mention, work up the craving for a stick.

billy collins's "the best cigarette"
there are many that i miss,
having sent my last one out a car window
sparking along the road one night, years ago.
the heralded ones, of course:
after sex, the two glowing tips
now the lights of a single ship;
at the end of a long dinner
with more wine to come
and a smoke ring coasting into the chandelier;
or on a white beach
holding on with fingers still wet from a swim
how bittersweet these punctuations
of flame and gesture;
but the best were on those mornings
when i would have a little something going
in the typewriter,
the sun bright in the windows,
maybe some Berlioz on in the background.
i would go into the kitchen for coffee
and on the way back to the page,
curled in its roller,
i would light one up and feel
its dry rush mix with the dark taste of coffee.
then i would be my own locomotive,
trailing behind me as i returned to work
little puffs of smoke,
indicators of progress,
signs of industry and thought,
the signal that told the nineteenth century
it was moving forward.
that was the best cigarette,
when i would steam into the study
full of vaporous hope
and stand there,
the big headlamp of my face
pointed down at all the words in parallel lines.
candy lo sings "hou sam fan sou"
gotta smoke them all....darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 2:14:00 pm

k - n - n 15 days lefthad sorta of insomnia last night, so decided to see if i could eat thru the last 200 pages of schindler's list, and managed to wilt it down to a last few chapters, and went to sleep at six in the morning. woke up at 9:30, had my coffee, and went on to finish up the book. it was a good read though the language bordered on heaviness at times. i'd say it'd give you a different perspective of the Jews if by any isolated minute chance, that anti-Semitic feelings were nurtured by you after watching The Passion. my stand on the Jews are they are God's chosen people, and will forever be that. though they just seem to have this knack of getting onto God's bad side, and pissing Him off so grandly to the point that discipline is needed. but then we piss God off too most of the time. and i see it as true that Jews being God's chosen children have been greatly favoured but that doesn't mean that we the non-Jews have been shortchanged either. God has chosen us to share in His inheritance too, sending His only Son to die for us, a human death, a human suffering, so that thru His blood we are washed clean & saved. anyhow, the book was good, and remember whether you're a Jew or non-Jew, we are all God's chosen children.

just finished my qt session, and while reading thru the verses, He pointed out something terribly important to me at this point in time. it was a verbal warning from Him. yes, a verbal warning, short of a reprimand, He sure works in mysterious ways. ive been pissing Him off terribly grandly on a certain issue for the past year or so, and finally, He has decided to give me a verbal warning thru reading of his Word. i cant share the verse here becos it will be far too telling already. but will share another verse, one of my favourite ones, which has to do with discipline from Him.

/ my son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline / and do not lose heart when he rebukes you / because the Lord disciplines those he loves / and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son / endure hardship as discipline; / God is treating you as sons / for what son is not disciplined by his father? / Hebrews 12: 5 - 7 /

candy lo sings "hou sam fan sou"
i will soon see rain....darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 1:33:00 pm

Thursday, May 06, 2004

the faith dialogues partie deux
/ now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see / hebrews 11:1 /

/ by faith we understand that the universe was formed at God's command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible / hebrews 11: 3 /

/ and without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who ernestly seek him / hebrews 11: 6 /

/ by faith abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going / hebrews 11: 8/

/ all these people were still living by faith when they died. they did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcome them from a distance. and they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth / hebrews 11: 13 /

/ by faith he kept the passover and the sprinkling of blood, so that the destroyer of the firstborn would not touch the firstborn of israel / hebrews 11: 28 /

/ these were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised. God has planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect / hebrews 11: 39 /

darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 10:21:00 am

the faith dialoguesstraight after i finished the last entry, i got a call for a full-time job as a vet nurse - an interview tt i had went to a week back - and i turned it down without second thots. and immediately, i was seized with notions whether did i just do the right thing, knowing fully tt i need the moolah to survive. so i prayed. and though i didn't get any instantmatic answers, i got peace. and reading thru His word i learnt faith & assurance. yesh, the situation is desperate enough to warrant me to get a job asap but if i do, then the biz will not be able to get the full-attention that it needs now. im already at the last lap of the race, no way am i going to stop now. i will choose to do it the hard way. my logic is getting a job is easy, setting my biz is hard, so thinking like an introvert-sadist, i decided to make things difficult for my life. thats good. thats settled.
twins sings "che cham"
darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 10:10:00 am

great, just great, 16 days leftin the midst of having my coffee, and losing alot of sleep. i dont know whats wonky-bonky with my system, but im sleeping very late, and then waking up too early for my own good. for shoo reading this, i did not watch soccer at 2:30am, instead i logged off soon after you logged off, and went on to eat thru schindler's list for 30minutes, and then knocked out. yesterday, did quite a good amount of work on the biz plan, plus other lesser details for BooksActually.com. so will be praying for sustenance in order i can finish up more sections of the biz plan.

and in my qt session today, i learnt or should i say i re-learnt this lesson that had been taught 10,000 times when i was in sunday-skool. its about doing things by His will. yes, it states that in all things we need, we ask from Him thru petition & thanksgiving but at times, God will also refrain from giving something that you want so badly. ive experienced that before and i try not to sulk when i dont get what i want, and sooner or later, i will realise why He didn't grant my request. as my qt notes puts it in simple terms, "instead of trying to twist God's arm, put yourself in his hands." yes, im oft guilty of twisting God's arm, and He's a fabulous dood because even my frens dont allow me to twist their arms. like i told gracieT & rachelC, im still not sure whether BooksActually is it His will, or is it because im just being pisshead stubborn?? but at least, ive learnt that He has used BooksActually to instill alot of patience & perserverance in me. though im reluctant to say it or find out, i know that evyerthing is to His will. and i shall start from the basic, which is TRUST & OBEY. and these are the 2qt verses for today:

/ my Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless i drink it / may your will be done / Matthew 26:42 /

/ this is the confidence we have in approaching God: / that if we ask anything according to his will, he will hear us / and if we know that he hears us / - whtatever we ask - / we know that we have what we asked of him / 1 John 5: 14 - 15 /

twins sings "che cham"
God is my secret society boss, so dont play play, must pray pray....darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 9:39:00 am

Wednesday, May 05, 2004

had an extended session of qt today, and it reinforced my beliefs in why most of time unsavoury things happens to us. its like since we trust in God so much, and have been promised of salvation from the moment we accept him as our saviour, then our lives should be easy-peasy right???? well, part of that theory is correct, after all, i still fiercely believe that if God is my ally, then what chance do you think you've against me? but there is also a part where i know God instills suffering upon us, so that we can grow and learn. paul puts it in another light by saying that, "knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope." and in my qt verse today, james put it in a more sadistic but ultimately truthful manner:

/ consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perserverance / perserverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything / James 1: 2 - 3 /

i guess it simply boils down to trust in Him, trusting in him for his mercy & strength to get us thru when we are faced with adversity. trusting him enough to know that whatever things happen - good or bad - we are all a piece of his plan, having a role to play for the benefit of ourselves or others. to sew it all up, i can only say that adversity & shitass stuff made me what i am today. okae, okae, i slightly border on the evil side but then surely a few of you out there have experienced my pitiful kindness rite???? if you haven't, then give me a $10 note, and i'll show you my kindness, by treating you to lunch. isn't that a good idea? finally, this is the reason why i had an extended qt session, its because of this online christian resource on S-U-F-F-E-R-I-N-G that i was reading. so go on, click a few buttons and check it out, and hope you get hit by the sasser worm, and your computer will keep on rebooting & rebooting.

bring it on, i say

kidneythieves sings "before im dead"
oh my gosh 17 days, i should go kill myself or something....darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 10:41:00 am

Tuesday, May 04, 2004

just to echo shoo's desire to die just about now for something like this

the Loftcube
well, i'd love to live in one too. in fact, when i buy over Paragon, im going to buy & fly over a few of this spiffy units, plant it on top of my Paragon, and invite a few of my friends to be my neighbours. shoo is auto-included becos she has just shown me a piece of paradise. oh yah, did i mention that it'd cost a mindbending $55,000 Euros just to buy one of these, excluding transportaion cost.
kidneythieves sings "black bullet"
i do not want Paragon, i simply NEED it, get it straight, its a NEED, not a want....darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 11:15:00 pm

another three & a half hours before 17 days left, im farkedjust spent almost an entire day eating through nick hornby's "about a boy". had the book for quite awhile but never settled down reading it, until i had read karenL's blog, and decided to have a go at it. i had not seen the movie yet, so the more i was determined to read the book first. at "before-reading-first-impressions", i thot the book would be a funny, sniggering aloud kinda of book, and it is, but then, it is also something more, something much much more, if you're willing to read between the lines. go read it for yourself, i dont want to spoil the party. and dont watch the movie first, it'll only come across as entertainment, and you might end up not catching the meaning chucked inside of it. all i can say that if you can catch & absorb the gist, you'll never ever resort to suicide even if you lose your balls / boobs in some freak accident. never knew that nick hornby could write something so close to mindfark, always thot that he was a funny author, and it seems that's just a facade. and yeah, am so irrelevantly happy that i ate thru the book in less than a day's time, and im now almost halfway thru thomas keneally's "schindler's list" & edith wharton's "the age of innocence". the latter two are much more slower reads because of the heavy language structures. im struggling but taking pleasure in it, which more than proves, that i can never live without reading.
placebo sings "special needs"
i say bollocks to you for saying bollocks to me....darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 9:40:00 pm

oh my gosh, 18 days leftuhhhhhh, did not have a good sleep last night, was kept awake by the bloody nagging pain in my left shoulder blade, dont know whats wrong, but at least it reminds that it could've been even worse. any just finished a short qt session, and today, i learnt about unexpected kindness, and its not about you receiving it but rather you giving it. and when you give it, give it not only to your friends but also to the people that you simply want to dig out their hearts & eat it. for starters, okae, i shan't think of devious schemes against the cronnies at borders. i'll try, no promises, yeah. and after trying, i'll do kind things for all the people that see me as their enemy. i'll try and if i dont succeed, i'll just take the last train home. but bear in mind, some Norris guy wrote this: do a deed of simple kindness, though its end you may not see; it may reach, like widening ripples, dawn a long eternity. and these are the 2verses that i read earlier:

/ if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink / in doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head / do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good / Romans 12: 20 - 21 /

/ but God demonstrates his own love for us in this: / while we were still sinners, Christ died for us / since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through him! / for if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! / Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation / Romans 5: 8 - 11 /

oh yah, these are a few doods that ive caught doing kind deeds to either me or their frens around them, they mightn't notice it but i did. karenL, rachelC, miE-gayfren, gracieT, george, audreyW, and ernyM.

mandy moore sings "have a little faith in me"
my girlfriend's name is called mandy less....darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 10:19:00 am

Monday, May 03, 2004

deliruim sets in, so what next?okae, you all might think that this is flippant from me, and basically, the heat has gotten to me so im like hallucinating, but let me tell you that i'll surely set up BooksActually, and sooner or later, i'll buy over Paragon. and why do i think that way? maybe it is because im totally delirious now or it could be this:

/ i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me / Philippians 4:13 /

goo goo dolls sings "iris"
sing without a reason to never fall in love again....darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 2:45:00 pm

WTF, 19days running down & countingim damn bloody addicted to coffee cos' when i dont drink it, i'll get nagging headaches with the pain scale hovering like a sissy migraine. just finished a short session of my daily qt, and its good that beside disciplining myself to do it, i realise that i want to do it. and the conspirators that has served as inspirations to my qt sessions are gracieT & rachelC. and so, O mighty Lord bless their souls. okae that its, now back to evil-minded ways....muahahahaha. oh yah, these are the two verses that i had dwelled upon for my qt session.

/ for the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favour and honour; no good thing does he withold from those whose walk is blameless / O Lord Almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in you / Psalm 84:11 - 12 /

/ rejoice in the Lord always. i will say it again: Rejoice! / Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near / do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God / and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus / Philippians 4:4 - 7 /

mike oldfield's "moonlight shadow"
oh shit, im watching cartoons again....darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 9:07:00 am

Sunday, May 02, 2004

with cracked and dry lipswas listening to silverchair's "without you", and this is part of the lyrics that i thot was a gift....

/ and you brighten my life like a polystyrene hat / but it melts in the sun like a life without love / and ive waited for you so i'll keep crying out / without you /

darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 5:11:00 pm

oh my gosh, twenty-days leftokae, this is my 1st qt session after like ten-thousand-years since i last done it. and i have found rejuvenating strength from His words, and of course, His daily mercies as well. whatever He has planned for me, i will accept it even if it means that i have to take the punishment that comes along with my actions. yes, i will take the punishment. and i determine, i dispose, but He pre-determines, and He pre-disposes. for though i constantly take my life in my hands but He is always there for me.

your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path / i have taken an oath and confirmed it, that i will follow your righteous laws / i have suffered much; preserve my life, O Lord, according to your word / accept, O Lord, the willing praise of my mouth, and teach me your laws / though i constantly take my life in my hands, i will not forget your law / the wicked have set a snare for me, but i have not strayed from your precepts / your statutes are my heritage forever; they are the joy of my heart / my heart is set on keeping your decrees to the very end / Psalms 119: 105 - 112 /
lost prophets sings "last train"
so if we are going nowhere....darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 10:15:00 am

Saturday, May 01, 2004

shake down in 1978with the good bible infront of me / it reminds me that ive been skipping my quiet-time / for the longest while / that i cant even remember when did i start / admittedly, ive backslided / from lack of fellowship / from lack of churchgoing / from lack of talking to Him / now ive to put my affairs on right / twenty-one days / i'll seek His help to be less extreme in my dealings / in my thoughts / in my mannerisms / i do fear Him / but i think ive stepped out of line / its a thin line to thread on / and ive violated the rules set by Him / so do pray that i get my things straight / and once again, i'll ask Him for what i deserve by His grace / and by His everlasting mercy / upon me / i shall claim it / and thats when everything starts / and all that remains is / love /
goo goo dolls sings "iris"
and gently fall....darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 7:47:00 pm

look at the stars, look at how they shine for youhad a catching-up session with rachelC yesterday, spending a good quality talking 'bout almost everything, and am glad to see the faithful works of God in her. lest she mightn't know it but i think she'll be a source of succor for her friends in the many days to come. decided not stay out last night so got home at around 8-ish, and started to prep myself for the 21days battle that ive drafted up. half of the thinking / planning process for BooksActually has already been done, and i rested a jolly 2months, so now, it means that ive to get down to writing the biz plan. well, at least, this time ive the old 80page biz plan - meant for the physical store - to serve as a guideline. ive set upon myself a 21days dateline to get it done, including the presentation portion, and then its off to the bank. going by preliminary checks by me, it seems that i qualify for one of the many government schemes for a biz loan. and too, prayers are needed that i can qualify for the loan. but of course, now, i need get the biz plan - meant for the webstore - done first. twenty-one days is all i have, and its going to be one hell of a ride, because i need to do the various mock-ups, and a full scale, full blown, one-year-running marketing campaign plan too. im so going to enjoy this mindfarking period of twenty-one days.

to top it off all, i was reminded that "by stripping away all the attached strings & neccesities of worshiping God, what you have left is just a relationship - with yourself & God. so at this point, you can choose to call Him, "ma friend" or "hey dood", because its a one-to-one thing. not happy, thrash out the issue with Him, and you'll then learn to see things clearer. you mightn't notice it now, but He'll let you know & see everything at the right place & right time."

project wyze sings "erica"
night eats night and the dawn shines on you just like the evil that consumes me....darKness-ak

# posted by BooksActually : 12:34:00 pm