Monday, February 28, 2005
monday Uneasy afternoons
4:31pm
dont feel very bright now
dont feel very in-step now
dont feel very in-tune now
dont feel very myself now
God to kenny:
"its for Me to know, and for you to find out"
something dont feel very right
but i can't lay a finger on what is not right
and you know how i hate that feeling
cannot make it, i tell you !!
what is not right??
bahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
and im still slacking
and im still procrastinating
bah again !!
darKness-ak
Thursday, February 24, 2005
thursday mornings
tooooo early
8:21am
ive been made to hold up the sky
with or without my daily coffee
God to kenny:
"stay the course, and do trust in Me more."
would you?
lets go watch the world together,
and i will stay beside you.
i think i should repeat myself again. i can feel that ive never done more work or planning, trying to get everything ready for launch. this should be my first time doing so much work for such an extended time. and of course, i thank da Dood for giving me this opportunity. for He had required patience of me, and i think i had managed to attain nearly half of His Patience standard. i had asked for the biz, and He has given it to me. and i know He pre-determines & pre-disposes. the plans that i make has to go thru Him first. and my desire is to trust & obey. afterall, it is His game that im playing, and not the other way round that most would like to believe.
todayss
i will be the carpenter
she will be the typist
and im so going to miss you for the next entire three weeks !!
darKness-ak
Sunday, February 20, 2005
sunday mornings
11:00am
"the tin carousel
'lingers' in the slight breeze"
so i thought since you couldn't really
stand looking at bright bright lights,
knowing how much pain they can cause you,
and yet, we know bright bright lights
can be really so beautiful when they want to
like how their shimmering brightness
makes you close your eyes, and wanting
to look at them at the same time,
so instead, ive a picture of a Simple bright light for you. do turn down your computer's brightness, just in case it is still too bright.
darKness-ak
Saturday, February 19, 2005
saturday early evenings
6:31pm
___________* throw me into oblivion please
darKness-ak
Friday, February 18, 2005
friday mornings
Futures
10:18am
drugs for me and sweets for you
God to kenny:
"Why hesitate?? dont try, for there is no try."
i
will
be
your
Grinch
if
you
let
me,
please
jimmy eat world, "23", loops
Simple. i want everything to be simple.
not complicated.
Simple. the closest you can come to perfection.
without too much mulling.
simple will be beautiful
simple is plain & soothing
dont fight simplicity
its easier to love with simple
clouds are simple, aren't they?
thats why i love watching them
plain water is simple
Smiling is so simple too
simple is found in your small hands
so God, make me a simple me.
and i do think,
its harder to hate with simple
darKness-ak
Thursday, February 17, 2005
thursday mornings
kinda of windless
in moving type
10:18am
the piano is playing, that is supposed to be nice
the radiance, trying to splice the lights
in utter brilliance, we break down and die
regrets never, shouldn't be forever
la valse d'amelie [piano]
perhaps,
i see myself more clearly now
because i threw Him into the equation
it is as though
someone is sitting down at the piano
playing to us, capturing us
demanding that we do not look away
motioning for us to delve closer
as we are held by it
and we shall be held by it
we will always be held by it
isn't that the case when one has fallen in??
darKness-ak
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
wednesday mornings
its wednesday already
10:33am
buck up !!
buck up !!
pull up your socks !!
pull up your socks !!
sleep less !!
work more !!
Absolument Merceilleux !!
any Good things to sell, mister??
Absolutely !!
plain water is good
so is Hacks orange cough drops
and what about a fresh bar of soap,
that is good too.
the smell of a strong morning coffee,
and a freshly shaven chin is good too
i remember that both the smell
of old & new books are scentfully good
the way your hair falls across your
face is good too, has anyone told you that?
and lets see,
an email from an old friend
asking for a loan is good too
(well, at least i think so)
the sight of your beloved one
is in no doubt, good, good, and good
Penguin Cafe Orchestra is good too
and so is Amazing Grace
my ankle socks with holes for the big toe
is terribly good too
and to see my papa awake in the morning
is more than good too,
i do thank Him very much.
washing dishes can be good too
and getting started on my work
should be good too, i think
and lest i forget,
that falling in love is good too.
darKness-ak
Monday, February 14, 2005
Monday mornings [hazy]
9:18am
"i feel i must interject here"
i suddenly realised
Franz had tried playing dead
from a gunshot
before he was really shot dead
at the end of the movie
God to kenny:
"use your brain less, use Mine instead"
Secret German Toy Shop . Kiddie Stencils
Miss Sara Maya Drupadi . Mr. Tsering Dhondrup
Nine Horses . Sailing Alone Around the Room
Mini Swiss Army Knife . Mr. Bubbles Swiss Army Style
Sneaky Church Exploration . Konica Pop
Birthday Letters . Giving Tree
Delifrance "French" pictures . Five Tibetans Relics for $8.00
Flu-ish Flu . Tired Legs
Express Bus 502 . Single Deck 105
The Magnetic Fields . The Postal Service
Curry Chicken n' White Rice . Ice Green Tea
* sing Mummy sing !!
darKness-ak
Sunday, February 13, 2005
sunday flu-ish nights
11:48pm
dont everyone wish they had an evil twin
yes, i still wish that i have
four sets of evil twins
to do my evil bidding
the magnetic fields,
i wish i had evil twin, loops
God to kenny:
"I dont think its good idea to have 9 kennys around"
excerpt from the The Magnetic Fields song:
darKness-ak
Friday, February 11, 2005
friday rapid nights
8:03pm
i'd say lie to me
kinda of lousy day
running around the entire day
like some really serious running
under the dehydrating sun
like a chicken without its head
like a grasshopper without its fiddle
and at the end of it
nothing gets done
totally nothing gets done
i'd have done better
being Jack & Jill
tumbling down the hill, bleah !!
darKness-ak
Thursday, February 10, 2005
Thursday mornings
at
9:38am
someone sings
"ive been looking in the mirror
for so long that ive come to
believe that my soul is
on the other side."
keep on walking
just keep on walking
do not convince me otherwise
it'll all make sense
when im sick
yes, Amazing Grace
i do think ive to do CNY visiting in Pasir Ris today
cant escape, after all, they're my blood
after all, my beloved grandpapa would've wanted me
to take over the lead, and continue the Leck family walk
i think if grandpapa had been alive
past my age of age 10, i'd have been spoilt rotten
so it was only fair when he left, to be the first
piece of my puzzle of my growing up.
da Dood pre-determines & pre-disposes
am the eldest in the family
so all the stars of hopes are pinned on me
so i cant crash & burn, convince me that.
these are the last names of the authors
that i will be buying soon enough. if
anyone is able to match me with their
correct first names, i will give you
a free book of your choice. only two
contest winners so do hurry. all answers
to be emailed to kennysellsbooks@gmail.com
kerouac / haddon / mcewan / hornby /
suskind / collins / maugham /
its easy enough, count yourself
lucky i didn't come up with a
last name like 'Leskov' or 'Berger'
darKness-ak
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
Wednesday afternoons
the attack of the Red Packets
the invasion of the CNY oranges
all portends to a icky week
01:08pm
the weather report
too dry & hot for my liking
papa reduced the ang pow quantity this year [bleah]
mama up-ped my ang pow quantity this year [yay]
but it cant be a parental conspiracy
because they've not spoken to each other for the 4ish years already
i hope the rest of the Leck relatives will do their part
well, they better [muahahha]
current takings $190.00 [and counting]
and thats just mama, kor, papa, & dorene
alright, money-induced madness liao
i will blame it on the feverish icky Flu too
plus the intermittent haze
plus the pesky solo mosquito
and da Dood today very steady
i long long time never do QT
then He showed me this:
What then shall we say? Is God unjust? Not at all! For he says to Moses, "I will have mercy on who I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion." It does not, therefore, depend on man's desire or effort, but on God's mercy. Therefore God has mercy on whom he wants to have mercy, and he hardens whom he wants to harden. Then why does God still blame us? For who resists his will?" But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? "Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, 'Why did you make me like this?' " Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use?
Romans 9:14-16, 18-21
My Take [to make the long story short]
God to kenny:
"if you're not happy, call police lah !!"
darKness-ak
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
tuesday mornings
flu is nasty
so are tomatoes
10:41am
"one by one,
two by two,
three by three,
like a catlike thief,
in the silencing night,
God sneaked into my room,
and watched me sleep."
i wonder how is mom going to spend her CNY? hope she'll not be alone this year. dont think she can take that sort of loneliness. for now, there can be no turn-around in the situation. God is fair.
as for me, lets get straight up to fight. what do i do best?? getting straight up to fight no matter how sickeningly deep the hole is. everything, well most things have to be taken at one step at a time. no use fretting, let Him do the fretting, afterall He has a better set of brains than all of us combined. and yes, we shall collect Fairy Tale books, wont we??
something that an old friend would say, "and i reserve the right to fall in love with you." and i couldn't agree more.
darKness-ak
Monday, February 07, 2005
Monday runny nights
tori amos
sings this is cooling
"so i thot i'd make some plans
But God got there first before me,
and i got caught within the undertow
folded neatly into the waves
as they rip right thru me
Father, this thick air is murderous
Father, into the sea i will breathe
i have never learnt how to swim
i might just drown, and you'll forget me."
9:58pm
memories of family life slap me real hard in my face tonight. had reunion dinner with mom & kor at mom's place. seeing all those familiar items at home that i had once touched or used doesn't make me feel any better. its like having a cherished page of one's life being torn from the exercise book, crumpled, and tossed into the basket. so i guess, this means "never take your family for granted".
darKness-ak
Sunday, February 06, 2005
sunday nights
"when did it started?
must've been the day
when she did a sorta Pirouette."
9:56pm
me, flu
she, cut finger but healing zoom zoom fast.
Dolores (haze)
marzipan
meringue
im drinking copious amount of herbal tea
i wonder if cold cheese sausage
will go well with
Ogorki, Polish pickles?
and i realised i got lotsa of stamps
leftover trophies from childhood
a good half of it are damn old
i wonder if any is worth a ransom's fortune?
darKness-ak
Saturday, February 05, 2005
saturday mornings
'what is an emu?"
11:05am
SNapshots
"God is not a biggest fan of me
but i am, but with questionable issues !!
you're already gone
and i didn't realise it
while i had dreamt of
a cartoonish sticker tree
growing out from a
green-light-permanence.
why is the entire world trying
to wake me up by either messaging
me or calling my mobile since
7-ish morning
why?? why? why? why?
even my mom calls me at 8-ish,
and she asks me whether im sleeping...
can i really totally stop sleeping
since sleeping can wait until i die?
darKness-ak
Thursday, February 03, 2005
Thursday mornin[G]
9:28am
sleep has left me
in a great heartless fashion again
&
listening to sad songs is just
not the right way to begin one's morning
late night phone speaks
telephones are still terrorists
a discourse to agree to disagree
or were we just disagreeing to agree
why feel strange??, no, dont feel strange??
there's magic everywhere
ive seen His magic once,
when He saved my life and
let my friend take my place instead
though i cant force you,
i hope you'd be happy for me
so please dont feel strange nor enstranged
but at the least, you should know
im still hesistant.
"i declare His will is mine,
and i reckon His giving to be mine."
black, "wonderful life", playa-looped
look at me standing
here on my own again
up straight in the sunshine
no need to run and hide
its a wodnerful, wonderful life
no need to laugh and cry
its a wodnerful, wonderful life
no need to run and hide
its a wonderful, wonderful life
no need to run and hide
its a wonderful, wonderful life
darKness-ak
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
Wednesday morning
finally,
10:14am
morning becomes eclectic
it is days like these
when everything is like a pair of Aces
when Plath greets me in gmail [dankes biscuitas]
when everything cant help but turn out right
when i know God has pre-determined & pre-disposed
when i know He connected the dots for me already
"your shorts, your short-sleeved jumper -
one of the thirty I lugged around Europe -
and your long brown legs, propping your pad,
and the contemplative calm
I drank from your concentrated quiet,
in this contemplative calm
now I drink from your stillness that neither
of Us can disturb or escape."
[excerpt from 'Drawing' of Birthday Letters]
darKness-ak
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
Tues-day m-orning
10:20am
"and i'd give up forever to touch you
cos i know that you feel me somehow
you're closest to heaven that i'll ever be
and i dont want to go home right now"
goo goo dolls, "iris", looped
when love & hate collide
nothing will stop me,
nothing will
not even you.
- 2 table spns of Free Labour
- 3 table spns of Sleepy Lazy afternoon
- 700ml of 2nd hand bookstore
- 250ml of retail chain bookstore
- 200 grams of Double Choco Pecan Cookies
- 250ml of Ice Lemon Tea
- 1 small bowl of Instamatic camera
- 1 handful of nice 'peekture' books
- 2 pinches of Yllis
- 4 pinches of Laughters
- 4 pinches of Smiles
"mix everything up in a big bowl, leave the rest to God, and ready to serve."
darKness-ak
